Using creative ways to help Nixon navigate social settings

   I can't speak for other parents of children with ASD, but in my own daily life with Nixon social situations are tough. He's not good at respecting personal space. He's a very affectionate kid but that's not always appropriate for school.

    Nixon has developed a friendship with another classmate. Nixon tells us that A is his "bff...best friends forever". It's a touching milestone because, until A, he just parallel played with classmates. With A, Nixon has learned to play WITH another child. They've even created a game to play together during recess.
   But with this new friendship comes issues of another kind. Nixon doesn't like sharing A with other classmates. He can sometimes become quite a pill when A plays with other children, even if Nixon is included in the group.
   Nixon's also been having trouble keeping his hands to himself in school.

   And that is where I come in with another creative way to help him navigate life.
 
   Nixon loves bubbles. I relied on this love to help explain personal space. I had him make a half-circle with his arms, from the side of his body to right out in front of his chest. I told him that was his "personal bubble". I went on to explain that everyone has a bubble around them. Sometime, a friend will invite into their bubble (for hugs/high-fives/kisses, etc.) and that's okay. But if you aren't invited into a friend's bubble and you go into it anyways, you'll pop that friend's bubble and your own. I asked Nixon, "How do you feel when the bubbles we blow outside pop?". Nixon said "it makes me very sad". I told him that's sometimes how friends feel when we invade their personal space.
    Every day before school I remind Nixon "don't be a bubble popper". He laughs and tells me he'll try his best. That's all I ever ask,

"What's going on with my head? I can't stop thinking about..."

   Here we are, halfway through Nixon's school year. His second report card just came home Friday and, for the most part, he improved or stayed the same across the board. Except reading. He slipped in reading, going from at grade level, to below grade level. We'll be addressing that at home with more reading.


    As any parent knows, life with children is full of struggles. We as parents struggle and our children struggle. But parents of a child with special needs my struggles seem to be two-fold.
    I watch Nixon struggle with social interactions. I've seen him overwhelmed by something as small as a neighbor's dog approaching him. Nixon knows this dog, and in the past has pet and enjoyed this dog's affection, but still gets overwhelmed and freezes in place when the dog simply brushed his side. The issue isn't the dog, but rather the unexpected contact with the dog. It happened so fast, Nixon couldn't process the interaction and continue walking. It hurts to see him so overwhelmed because he thinks he's the problem, when in reality it's just an unfortunately timed series of events that led to his actions, or lack thereof. Thankfully most of our neighbors are kind and understanding of Nixon and dogs, and in situations like this they call their dogs over and Nixon unfreezes and goes into the house without further incidents. And he almost always gushes about how much the dog loves him and how much he loves the dog!

    Nixon struggles with focusing on a task. He'll ask to get on the computer or use his tablet, which with time limits he's allowed daily. The struggle comes when I ask him to wait, patiently, for a few minutes. Sometimes I'm in the middle of something and need to complete it first, other times I ask him to wait simply to work on his patience. (He struggles with it in school as well, and often times causes a disruption when he can't do his desired task right away.) He is improving. A few months ago, asking him to wait would have resulted in a full-on meltdown. Now, when asked to wait, he pouts mostly. Sometimes he will throw a fit but he goes to his room to calm down before it gets any worse.
    He also has a new phrase that he'll repeat endlessly while waiting. "I'm trying so hard but my brain just won't stop thinking about (computer time/tablet time)." He will grab his hair and pull his hair as he says this too. I try to always take time and acknowledge his effort when he vocalizes his mental discomfort.

    I can't end this post on a down note. Nixon has developed his first peer friendship! He's got his first BFF! He is so excited about this friendship and we are as well. Nixon even asked if he could get his BFF a Valentine's Day gift. We bought classroom gifts and Nixon will be able to address the gift bag for his friend, in his own handwriting, which seemed to appease him.
    This friendship is a huge milestone for Nixon. At his preschool and in Kindergarten, he simple played around other children. This year, he's actively playing WITH a child and sometimes even a group of classmates. Nixon and his bff even invented a Time Travel game of tag they play together at recess!

Halloween....we survived!

   Halloween is a dicey holiday for Nixon. He wants so badly to be a part of it, but he also can get super overwhelmed by the festivities. Years past we've gone trick-or-treating with him only to have him start crying and screaming at people. He will want a costume with a mask then refuse to wear the mask at all.

*The first year this happened he was Iron Man. When he refused the mask, I bought a black face paint crayon and drew a Tony Stark-inspired goatee on Nixon. He loved it and we got a bunch of compliments on the unique way I chose to handle his mask aversion.*

    Nixon's also very rule-oriented. If he's told something is a rule, once he gets it it's a rule for him and everyone around him, most cases. Before we went out last night, he was reminded to say "trick or treat" and "thank you", only take one piece of candy (when presented a bowl as a lot of the people did this last year) and to be polite to others around him when waiting at houses.
    At one house this year, he took his one piece of candy and was then offered a bag of pretzels from another bowl, at the same house. Nixon paused and was visibly bothered, thinking he now needed to choose between the candy he just chose and the bag of pretzels. I could see he was getting upset by the choice he preserved he had to make, and I gently told him it was okay he could have both. He said  many "thank you"s as we left when he realized he didn't have to choose!
    There were quite a few teens out, and they were typical teens out on Halloween: loud, rambunctious and pushy. Nixon was quite nervous around the groups of teens, he'd grip my hand really hard and get very close to me, but he never yelled/cried or got upset. He coped with them in a way he hadn't been able to in the past.

    At one house, Nixon was leaving when he saw a toddler drop a couple pieces of candy from their bucket. Nixon picked them up and waited for the toddler to come down the steps. Nixon then said "Here you dropped these" and tried putting them back in the little boy's bucket. The child kept walking towards his mother, dropping another piece of candy, which Nixon again picked up. He got frustrated and said "MOM, he won't stop moving so I can't give them back" and put the candy in my hand. The child's mom was next to me and I explained that her child had dropped the candy from his bucket and my son wanted to return them to him. She gratefully took the candy back and said "thank you" to Nixon, who was then right as rain and ready to move on. It never crossed his mind to keep the dropped candies, because they weren't his. I could not have been more proud of him than I was at that moment. 

   We walked about 2 miles overall and he was a champ the entire time. The last half-mile he took the mask off. This Halloween was one I had envisioned when I was pregnant with him and dreaming of our future with him. It took us 6 years, but it finally happened and it was so worth the wait!

The struggle planning a birthday party for a child on the spectrum...

   Nixon's birthday is less than a month away. He's well aware of how close his birthday is getting. He's been asking for over a week "Is my birthday tomorrow/the day after tomorrow, the day after that?" so I'm very aware of how excited he is about his birthday.
    He's been vocal about the type of party he wants (at a bounce house he went to a couple parties at last school year), he wants all his classmates there and he wants to sit in the inflatable throne. Really nothing else matters but that throne.
     But there's a part of me (and Mac) that worry we'll make these arrangements and no one will come. All the children in Nixon's class are on the spectrum or have other special needs that prevent them from functioning in a general education classroom. Nixon's told me of a child who can't handle the good morning song, so the class whispers it now to make it easier on this student. There haven't been classroom events beyond the general open house/beginning of school meeting, so I haven't gotten a chance to feel out any of the other parents, which means planning a birthday party including these children is beyond rough. Nixon's had meltdowns at this venue before and I'm not sure I can ask other parents to bring their child knowing other children may also react the same way.
    Mac and I made a unilateral decision tonight: We'll bring cupcakes to Nixon's class for his birthday and include goodie bags for each of the children in his class. No party at the venue.
    I'm looking to find an inflatable throne for him and I have a couple other ideas. We'll keep it small and simple for him but still fun.

    I hope we're making the best choice for him.

First week of First Grade is in the books!

  Nixon's first day of school was Monday. Last Monday, August 24th. I had done the shopping for supplies, gotten his new backpack, packed his lunch and we'd even had an open house at his new school. He was excited. I was unbelievably anxious. Nixon was also riding a bus this year, something he was super excited about.

   Monday morning came, far too early in my opinion but my coffee maker was preset and brewed when I got up, Nixon was dressed and waiting for breakfast when I opened my eyes. I got up 2 hours before his bus was coming to give us plenty of time to get ready, without feeling rushed. When his bus came, Mac and I walked him to it and said our goodbyes. I did not cry.
   No really, I did not cry! We were all ready to put last year and his former school behind us.

    Nixon's attending another public school but in a special classroom, specifically for children with special needs.

    The first day, after school, the classroom social worker called to say Nixon had a good day. He tried to escape the class to avoid the work, at first, but by the afternoon he was responding to the token reward system the classroom uses. He needed a few reminders to use his indoor voice but otherwise he did very well.

    The rest of the week went much the same. A couple more phone calls, one was regarding an incident with Nixon and another student in the cafeteria Nixon told me about and I wanted to double check if the classroom staff were aware of it, and the second was about Nixon's first trip to the nurse resulting in an ice pack and a quarter-sized bruise on his arm after a bit of roughhousing with a classmate. Both phone calls the social worker informed me Nixon is making wonderful progress, quickly adapting to the routine of the classroom and no longer attempting to avoid his work like he had the first day. He's quickly earning his reward tokens.

   I couldn't have been more relieved! Given the gut-dropping experiences from last year's school phone calls, being called and hearing his doing great is taking some adjusting.

    I'm also navigating another new territory as a parent: bullying and name calling, from the outside in.
    Nixon came home one day and said "there's a bad boy in my class" and proceeded to tell me, the boy was having what sounded like a meltdown after lunch time. Nixon had plenty of these last year, lunch was a constant sensory overload for him. Nixon told me "the mean boy stepped on me and then started to cry and yell".
    As calmly as I could, I reminded Nixon of his actions last year, from being in the cafeteria. I reminded Nixon of the times I had to go to school and help him calm himself because his teachers couldn't. I told him, "Nixon, you weren't being bad last year and your classmate wasn't bad or mean today. His brain just couldn't take anymore but he, maybe, didn't know how to ask for a break. He's not trying to hurt you on purpose, you were just kind of around when he hit his max limit. But he's not any more a bad or mean kid than you are or were last year. He, and you, just kind of sometimes need breaks but don't always get the warnings from your body before your brain needs a break. Just like at home, Dad and I give you space to recover when you've had enough, make sure you respect your classmates space and let them recover, okay?"
     Friday, Nixon says the same boy from earlier in the week, was called a "crybaby" in class by another student. I asked Nixon if he called him that. Nixon said "No, but I did laugh because it's a funny word, he was crying but he's too big to be a baby" (he's such a literal thinker!). We had another talk and I asked him to be kind to all his classmates and to stand up for the ones who need a voice, like the one being called names, because everyone needs a friend.

   
    Overall, his first week of school was pretty darned great! No referrals, no letters home, no trips to the principals office. I call it a success!  

My baby waiting for his bus on the first day of school!

With coping skills and techniques come some amazing moments!

    Life keeps moving forward, no matter how many times I reach out and try to find the pause button. Nixon's had 3 meet and play sessions with his ABA therapist. They're building a relationship that will expand to more demand-based play. For now they play games and sports during the sessions. Nixon gets frustrated but his therapist works with him and Nixon responds.
    One of their session days, our community was getting the weekly lawn care done. It wasn't safe for them to be playing in the yard while the yard guys were mowing, especially because there's always stuff in the grass getting tossed up by the mowers, so I suggested bubbles on our balcony for a bit. However, again lawn guys mowing, I offered Nixon his headphones to help cancel out some of the noise from the lawn mowers.
    This is what that looked like:

    Nixon also had to go to the dentist last week. That was...not fun. His dentist is amazing! She was wonderful with him, very patient and understanding of his autism diagnosis. I brought my ever-growing bag of tricks, which now also includes a weighted lap pillow, which in a former life was a pillow pet. (One night, a zipper, polybeads and my sewing kit made it all happen)

     The end result of the trip was a cleaning, some fluoride, and learning that all future treatments beyond cleanings will be done in a hospital setting under sedation. That is, Nixon will be sedated, not me, though after last week's visit I wouldn't be against a mild sedative for myself.
    Unfortunately, Nixon also had an abscess that had drained itself naturally, but his dentist wanted to treat him with a round of antibiotics to be safe. This is for a couple reason but largely because Nixon never mentioned any pain in his mouth at all, and having had an abscess once myself I'm amazed and shocked by that. He registers pain differently which makes treating some ailments harder, like an abscess. He was given amoxacillin in addition to a second, back-up only fill if needed, prescription. Why? Well, I have an allergy to both penicillin and amoxacillin, and my dad has an allergy to penicillin. Nixon's never been on either (never needed one before) and the doctor was understanding of my concerns.
    Yep, he had a reaction to the amoxacillin. It started with a stomach ache and the next dose he had a couple blisters form around his mouth, but it took him being on the medication for almost 3 days before the reactions started.
    Thank gods for that second prescription!

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     Mac was off this weekend and thanks to a good friend who adores Nixon, he and I had a date for the first time in months. And it was lovely!

     Today we had a family date. We went to the Brick Fair in Virginia, not a Lego sponsored event, but lots of Legos there! 

     Nixon was good, he had a few issues mostly waiting in lines or trying to see displays when people wouldn't move. He did get upset when we were asking him too many questions (we were trying to give him options for items to purchase for him, but it was too much for him). He always managed to stop himself before he got too upset. He'd refocus on something else and deescalate. And in the end, he decided when he was ready to go and asked if we could leave now. 

     We left. 

Trying to amuse him while waiting to get a clear spot to view the moving setups.

Trying so hard to keep it together while waiting to go into the bounce house

Nixon bolted from me when he saw this! 

Sliding a block down the ramp in the play area

Good night kisses for my boy, BeBe in hand and fingers in mouth.

     

Visited the new school and went to a pool too!

    Summer break is flying by! Nixon has had an Occupational Therapy (OT), Speech Therapy (SP) and ABA therapy evaluations. The ABA meeting was nice, turned out Nixon already knew the therapist he'll be working with! (Last summer, Mac and I found a local OT who was offering sensory groups for kids. Nixon went to 5 groups and the therapist he'll be working with for his ABA time, also worked with him in that group. Nixon recognized him as soon as he entered our home!)

  * I've attempted to post this twice before. I wrote the entire blog post, only to have it not save and not publish, in spite of the auto save feature. Here's hoping third times a charm*

    Nixon's going to be attending a different school this fall. It'll be a satellite classroom of a Baltimore school called Kennedy Krieger. Currently, Nixon will have 5 classmates (whom he met the day we visited the Baltimore school). His classroom will also have a teacher, 2 aides and (I believe) 2 social workers. The class will never be larger than 10 children.
    Perhaps the thing I liked best is, unless a student is harming him/herself or other students they aren't removed from the class. They'll be placed in a safe area but they don't "escape" the work. Instead, the 4-5 adults in the room all focus on positive behaviors and ignoring the negatives (yelling/throwing/evading/running, etc.). Each child will have a reward chart with a reward they chose to work for each day. As soon as they reach the goal, they earn that reward no matter what task they are currently doing in the classroom!
     Each student may also join the general education first grade classroom, when/if they are ready, but it's not required. What a relief!
     In addition to that, the curriculum is catered to each child. Some are working just below grade level, some right at grade level and some are given work above grade level. It's a wonderful class and I'm excitedly apprehensive about Nixon's upcoming school year.

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     Nixon is a child that has always hated water on his face and in his ears. It's made bath time comparable to a circle of Hell, at times. When he was around 2 years old, he'd scream bloody murder while I washed his hair. By then end of a bath, in those days, we'd both be wet and crying messes.
    It's gotten easier, but he still has issues with water above his neck. I have to hand him a dry wash cloth, folded in half (shaped like a triangle), which he uses to cover his ears and cover his face with it, Ala western bandit style. When his hair is buzzed short, I use a wash cloth with shampoo on it and then a cup to rinse with. Easy peasy. 

     We spent one day at a friend's apartment complex community pool. Nixon hasn't been in a pool in a couple years. Wear his brand new Puddle Jumper, he still took almost half an hour to actually venture off the steps into the pool. As he grew more confident, he jumped and splashed, he clung onto my back and kicked his legs behind us. He loved the water!
     Mac and I eventually switched off, Mac played in the pool with Nixon while I sat out on the patio. After almost 2 hours in the pool, it was a fight to get Nixon out of it to go home. Best part was, he didn't mind the water on his face at all! But his slightly fearless nature had me concerned at times. Swimming lessons may be in his future this fall. There's plenty of places locally that offer swimming lesson year round. 

I have trust issues and I'm starting to let them show

   Today was Nixon's second day of his new CAHT plan.
   Yesterday he was home with me and he completed 16 pages of math problems, we read 5 pages of an insect book, he wrote me a love note and he did 4 pages of a writing workbook. He went to school and asked for the computer within 5 minutes of arriving. He was given computer time to discourage a meltdown he'd started while walking to his classroom. (He asked for computer time at home with me and was told "no". He pouted for all of 10 seconds then asked to look at his workbooks again. He never asked for computer time again.) He was given an addition 30 minutes on the computer during what's normally known as "center time", which is when he'd do literacy/science/math work. I was told at pick-up time, that he'd get 15 minutes of computer time when he arrived to help him transition from home to school and then he'd join his classmates for the specials for the day.

    This morning we met with the woman who will be in charge of Nixon's home teaching hours. She's very nice and was immediately in-tune with Nixon and handling him. Of course there was no school work involved and I learned she had no explanation for his sudden CAHT situation from the school, but she's experienced with children who have ASD and ADHD and was even aware of what SPD is, which I've come to learn most people have no clue about. Most importantly, she was shocked that the school was giving Nixon so much computer time daily. She's going to call the school and inquire about for "my own educational requirement goals and standards", which she told me was really because she wanted to hear for herself if they actually admit to him being on the computer for so long or if they'd dismiss it. (I showed her his daily behavior reports that actually showed the time lengths written out by his aide).
    For school work, Nixon did another 7 pages of math work, more handwriting work, he wrote Mac a note and we read more of his insect book. He had 25 minutes of free play (Lego's) and then lunch before going to school.

    A little after 2pm my cell rang. It was the Special Education teacher and the Principal (I'm assuming she was in the room, though she never spoke she was spoken to.
     Nixon had gotten a referral for a recess incident. I was being called because it was seen as a "serious offense". Nixon had been "caught" with his hands around the throat of another student while at recess. When he was removed from recess for the act, he was upset and was running in the classroom and kicking chairs. I was called to (a) be informed of the referral and (b) given a choice to come and stay with him for the remainder of the day or pick him up immediately.
    I went and stayed with him for the rest of the day.

  While there I spoke to the aide and Special Ed teacher. No adult witnessed the event. While the other child does have marks on him, he apparently only named Nixon after other children started yelling Nixon's name. What pisses me off the most is I heard that this is possibly the second time an incident like this happened with Nixon and this child. But I never head about the first time, before today, because no one but another Kindergarten teacher (not Nixon's classroom teacher) heard about it...from the boy's mother...possibly months ago. But because of that, there's a "deeper investigation" being done.
   I was asked how I wanted to address recess. How do I want to address recess?!? It went on, do I feel Nixon should be included in the regular recess with the rest of his class or would he be better off in an individualized recess setting. Did he kill someone?! Did he shank a bitch in the yard? No! He placed hands on a boy inappropriately, yes, but he didn't kill anyone. Yet, I feel like his action's being criminalized.
   I replied (without the above snarkiness), that unless this becomes a pattern of behavior, it should be moved past and monitored. He shouldn't be removed from the rest of his class, as the reason he's coming to school in the afternoons is to socialize with his classmates.

    I called Mac tonight and we talked about all this. I also asked Nixon about this again tonight. Nixon has a "friend" named Brain-Brain. Brain-Brain is a computer who lives in Nixon's brain and he knows everything that Nixon does. Nixon started talking about Brain-Brain and I asked Nixon if Brain-Brain was there during recess. He said Brain-Brain was and I asked him if Brain-Brain wanted to tell me what happened. Nixon took a few seconds and said "Brain-Brain's recovering the data, Mom". Then he said "Nixon won the game by hitting a long, far ball. Nixon got excited and celebrated with [boy] by hugging his neck."
    This isn't really unheard of, as Nixon gets overly excited and hits himself in the face and head. The boys were playing invisible baseball. Nixon was the batter and the other child was the pitcher. The problem is, will the school actually believe Nixon and will his intentions even be considered? I'm sending a letter to school tomorrow requesting to view the video footage of the recess yard from the time of the incident. I was told since there's no discrepancies there isn't a need to have it pulled, but I'd like it pulled and viewed for my own piece of mind, and as his mother I have a right to request it.

   I'm drained because I know there need to be consequences, regardless of intent. But I'd told Mac my biggest concern about agreeing to CAHT was that somehow it'd turn into a full-time thing against my wishes, and damned if it don't feel like this is an attempt at exactly that!

**I did ask Nixon if he saw any new gray hairs in my hair. He said "Ummm....yeah, there's a bunch right here!". I told him "That's great. We're naming that bunch "Tuesdays", because they all appeared today." He laughed and said I'm funny.**

Catching up on behavior charts.....

   If you read my previous post, you might understand why I've fallen behind on the daily posts. I'm struggling to catch up and this week I had an appointment with my doctor.

   I could bore you with a bunch of pictures of all the past behavior charts, but instead I'll just fill in the blanks.
   Nixon is still struggling in school. He's still having time outside of class. He's still having meltdowns in class and is having a tough time fully recovering and moving on. He starts his days on such a good foot, leaves me car ready for school and then at the end of the day his chart shows he's struggled a lot.

    But then, a small almost innocent question from the teacher's aide, and the pieces started falling into place.
    "How long since Miss S left?"
    Miss S is a close family friend, who moved away in February. Nixon adored her and she adores him.
    And Nixon's behavioral regression began about the time she left. I never put the pieces together and Nixon doesn't know how to verbalize his emotions. He feels so much and doesn't always act appropriately based on those emotions.

    I felt so angry and so heartbroken at the same time, because I never thought the regression would have such an easy/simple explanation.
    I talked to Mac about it. I brainstormed. I had to try to help ease his heartache and still get him back on track in school.
    In the end I reached out to S and asked her for help. With her help, Nixon has a very special stuffed animal on the way with a very special recorded message just for him from S. I don't know if it will fix things, but it's an attempt to bandaid his heart.

    On top of Nixon dealing with Miss S moving away, Mac leaves for 12 weeks and a few days of training tomorrow. He was supposed to leave today, in fact we took him to the airport and said our "see you later" at the gate, only to have to go back and pick him up 4 hours later due to a flight cancellation. He is leaving (for real!) tomorrow afternoon. Mac also made a special bear for Nixon, with a special message, that he gave him before we left him.

Capt Bearmerica, Nixon and Mac

    **I'll be honest...I'm pretty jealous of Nixon's bear. It's an awesome gift and I sort of wish I had one for myself**


   Nixon had a 2 hour delay one day last week, a snow day and also a doctor's appointment for his asthma. He grew another .75 inch in a month! His asthma is under control and he won't be seen again for it until June.
   I have an IEP reevaluation meeting Wednesday morning.

The uglier, less discussed side of life with acronyms *warning, cursing in post*

    This blog isn't just about Nixon's school days. It's basically for everything that affects our lives since the introduction of all these acronyms.

    Today I'm going to pull back the curtain and share where I am, in my life, right now. It's not pretty and I'm not proud of it, but I am open enough to share, so that other parents in this situation right now can see they're not alone.

   Mac is leaving for a training course on Sunday. He'll be gone for nearly 12 weeks. We have no plans to go visit him because Nixon will not handle seeing him only to leave again. The traveling alone would be too much for him to handle. (He and I took a trip home to Western New York in November. We flew and spent 5 days in my hometown. He couldn't fully adjust to the surroundings and had a giant meltdown on Thanksgiving at my grandmother's house.)

   Lately, I've been a very shitty mom. I'm short-tempered, lack patience and very stressed out. I'm also fairly certain I have some level of depression going on. There are days I can barely get off the sofa, while Nixon's in school. I nap because it passes time and gets me away from my own thoughts. My sleep is riddled with anxiety dreams and panicked nightmares. I find myself yelling over the smallest, stupidest things and I know I'm overreacting but I can't stop the anger leaving my lips. I'm snapping at Nixon over things he can't control. Under normal circumstances, I'll help him to try to curb the behaviors (like his repeating phrases 2-5 times in a row) but in the past week I have zero patience for these behaviors. I barely have the energy, or even care enough, to shower. I find myself not caring about food or eating to eat, not out of hunger.
   Perhaps the biggest sign that something is not right has been my lack of wanting coffee. If there's one thing in this world that I truly enjoy, it's my daily cup(s) of coffee. But last week I found myself not caring if I had a cup of coffee or not.
    I have the warning signs of a panic attack every time Nixon's school calls me. My heartbeat races, I feel the room getting closer to me, I feel my breathing increase. These are all as soon as I recognize the ringtone I've set for the school on my phone, before I've even answered my mind is already convinced Nixon did something and I'm getting the call to tell me about it. There's never a time that I worry he's hurt himself, I think my mom-sense would know that before I got a phone call, but it's always a sense of dread about what he could have possibly done and if anyone else was affected by it.

   I called last week for an appointment with my doctor, to discuss all these issues. With Mac leaving in 6 days, I have to get this under control somehow before he leaves. My stress level is about to quadruple and if I'm a giant bag of nuts now I'll be much worse when it's just Nixon and I. If being the mother Nixon needs requires me to get help and some medications, I'll do it.
   Asking for help doesn't make me weak. Being put on medications doesn't make me a failure. Not asking for help and taking the meds would make me a horrible mom. Sometimes it's braver to admit you can't do it alone then to tough it out. I've been down this road before, with my emotions ruining my moods and wrecking my relationship with Nixon. Trust me, I refuse to see fear in his eyes when he looks at me, and lately with my screaming fits that's exactly what I see. I'm too strong to let this ruin him! I owe it to him to fix my shit so I can be the mother he needs while Mac's gone.  

Wednesday and Thursday bleed into one post

     Because I had a late night last night and Nixon had his playgroup after school, I didn't do yesterday's post. Also, Nixon didn't get his tablet time because after playgroup we came home, ate dinner and it was bedtime. He did get double tablet time today though, so he was good with that.

    Yesterday he spent 15 minutes out of class. The school does Welcome Wednesday the first Wednesday of every month. It's when parents can come to the school and have lunch with their kiddo(s). I haven't gone to one, before yesterday, due to things I had going on at the same time. I was free yesterday and I went. Nixon was so excited to see me! We sat in the cafeteria, which I can see why Nixon's having meltdowns...it's so loud! And there are so many conversations happening at once, it's easy to see him getting overwhelmed when he's not focused on one thing (for example, he was focused on my visit).
    The down part to my visit, Nixon squeezed his knee in the gap between the cafeteria table bench. He needed help getting unstuck and ultimately bruised his knee. He was crying a little from the shock of the pain. The teacher's aide let me walk him back to class and give him a couple hugs and kisses. When I left he was shaking it off. He did tell me he was taken to the nurse and got an ice pack for his knee.
    The playgroup was much better than last week. We talked about Nixon needing to listen and participate instead of running around doing whatever he wants. This week he did participate! He only ran around for a couple minutes and even took part in the goodbye song! It was a great playgroup!

    Today Nixon had a good day. He had a couple issues but quickly made better choices and pulled himself together. Of his possible 60 minutes of tablet time, he got 57 minutes. (Since it's February the rule is now: 5 minutes out of class = 1 lost minute of tablet time). 

   Now the sad. Nixon's fish Scootaloo is dying. I did everything I possibly could to save him, but it seems he's lost his fighting spirit. I moved him into a vase with a little water, calm water, no filter flow. He's lying on his side, convulsing every so often, but mostly slowing dying.

   I've prepared Nixon for the worst. I told Nixon that I was angry with Scootaloo for not fighting more to live longer. He asked if that was okay, to be mad at a sick fish. I told him he's allowed to feel whatever he feels. He can be mad, sad, angry, lonely whatever he feels.
    He said "I'm sad and mad a little. I love Scootaloo and I don't want him to die." His bottom lip started quivering. This is where I step in, give him a big hug and tell him I love him.
    I told him, after talking to Mac, that if/when Scootaloo dies we will have a family date Sunday. We'll do breakfast and then go to buy new fish. NOT another Betta fish though. I'm thinking goldfish. Nixon's asked for an African Dwarf Frog and more ghost shrimp. Shrimpy is still alive and Nixon says he's lonely in the tank by himself.

    Farewell, Scootaloo. Please don't die before Nixon goes to school in the morning.....

**I should add, Nixon feels so much larger than most 6-year-olds, because of Asperger's. Losing his fish before school could send him into an emotional tailspin for the entire day. I'm going to send a note into school letting his teacher know of the situation so she's not caught off-guard if Nixon starts crying or gets angry. I feel it's better if his caretakers (teacher and teacher's aide) are aware of a possible meltdown so they can help him work through it before he gets to the epic meltdown point he might reach without support. **
   

Why was today so difficult?!?

   Nixon needed to be woke up this morning. While shaking off the sleep, he starts getting sad that his ghost shrimp Midnight is dead. It took me a few minutes to let him have his sadness before getting out of his bed.
    It's important to me that I give him time to feel what he feels without pressure to "get over it" or "move on". He feels so much and loves so hard that death is a whole new and complicated life event for him.

    Nixon was fully together when he went to school.
   He had a rough day, of sorts. More than one episode resulting in time out of the classroom, for a total of 22 minutes. Seven smiles and even spent all but 5 minutes in the cafeteria at lunchtime.

   

   Tonight was rough.
   Nixon's fish, Scootaloo, isn't looking healthy. I went to the pet store today to get advice on helping him. I changed his water (a 50/50 change). I tested his water (all normal levels). It's heated at a perfect temp for a happy fish.
    And still, at bedtime, Scootaloo looked bad. So bad I had to talk to Nixon about it. It's hard, but I feel like I need to prepare him for the worst. It's that bad. Nixon took it pretty good. I told him, if Scootaloo does die, when he's ready we can get him another fish (or fishes).

   I hate doing this to him, because he's likely to get anxious and check on Scootaloo multiple times a day, and possibly watch him before he falls asleep.

Lunch, jokes and missing teeth

    There's a reason why I sing the praises of Nixon's teacher's aide. This morning I asked her, at drop-off, if it'd be possible to get another copy of yesterday's chart. It was in his folder this afternoon!
   

    Pretty much what I had expected after 4 days off, plus a week of short days after a day off last week. He hasn't had a full day of school in over 2 weeks. His transitions were rough, he didn't want to do his work and was just being Nixon when his routine is messed up.
   BUT.....

   ...he pulled it together today! He ate lunch in a separate classroom, instead of the cafeteria, because he was being too goofy. He had apparently started telling jokes and listening to jokes and got overly excited from this.
   It's actually not uncommon for jokes to get Nixon super excited. He doesn't really know emotionally the right response all the time, most of the time he goes very extreme with his emotions. It's hard for him to regulate his emotions after he gets too wound up. Removing him from the cafeteria was actually the best thing for him, as he pulled himself together the rest of the day. 

    Finally, after we got home and Nixon was playing on his tablet while snacking on his Poptart Nixon's loose tooth popped out! He said, very calmly, "My tooth fell out". I got up and went to the kitchen, getting warm salt water ready for him to swish with. He came over and said "Mom, you need to get that water ready. Make sure you make it warm and salty. For my mouth, and my missing tooth."
   I had to go into the bathroom with him, not because I was worried he wouldn't swish, but because there was a little blood and that tends to get Nixon really upset. I spent about 3 minutes with him, calmly telling him that the blood wasn't a bad thing and it'd stop in a few seconds. He was, surprisingly, fine with it all. This is the first tooth that fell out and didn't have the new tooth emerging from the gums already. This was his fourth tooth to fall out and his second top tooth. 

    I love his gap tooth smile! 

Wednesday still remains his worst day

   It's also becoming my worst day! I don't have his behavior chart to post here, because it was handed to me as I was going to his classroom. I folded it up and put it in my jacket pocket but it wasn't there when we got home...or in my purse....or in my car. It's just gone.

    Nixon started his day saying he didn't want to be in school. Then when it came time to leave he said he didn't want to go home. He did get 7 smiley faces.

    After school I took him to the group play that we first went to earlier this month. He was okay at first and then not so okay. He only wanted to participate if it was his turn. He even quit musical chairs because he wanted to play with scooters.
    I actually spoke to another mother there. Her son had Nixon's current teacher last year. She had a lot of issues with the school and the principal. So much so, that this year our school spent money out of their budget to send her son to a charter-like school. She likes the school and her son is doing amazing there, but it worries me that something similar may happen to Nixon because of his own issues.

   Finally, Nixon asked for some "awesome" hair today. I did the best I could, and he was super happy with it.

    I asked him after school, if anyone said anything about his hair. He said "Well, this one boy who was taking a poop in the bathroom, he said he liked it!". He also said some kids at lunch were talking about it, but he didn't elaborate.
   I took the time to let him know that he'll never please all the people all the time, so as long as he's not hurting himself, he should just focus on making himself happy. Things like haircuts and hair styles and other forms of self-expression, is what I meant. And I did clarify that to him.

    And let's hope that dangling tooth falls out soon!