Learning to teach him how he learns, not how I know things to be.

   Raising a child on the Autism Spectrum is a challenge. Mac and I remind each other frequently that, although Nixon has autism, he does have a high-functioning form of it and we consider ourselves to be "lucky" in that aspect. But we still have struggles to help Nixon navigate in social settings and to help prepare him for the future and what it may hold for him.
    I thank the stars above for Nixon's affectionate nature, his overly verbal ways and even the way he tattles on himself. He makes me pause and look at the world from different angles and forces me to answer questions I'd rather he didn't ask. For every challenge our family faces because of Nixon's diagnosis, we grow and expand our world twice by overcoming those challenges together.

---------------------------------------------

   Last week Nixon and I had a mommy-and-me date. We have one-on-one dates with Nixon on Mac's weekends off. Nixon gets to choose who he goes out with and the chosen parent tries to plan a fun date, not always easy given Nixon's got a pretty limited number of places he feels comfortable in on a normal day but add a weekend crowd and it's a tightrope act. I thought this would be a good way for Mac and I to each work on our relationship with Nixon and learning who he is while he learns who we are, outside of being just "Mom" and "Dad".
    We went to Target, to look at all the new Star Wars products, clothes and toys. Nixon was having a blast, until we walked by the game section. I know why stores always have demonstration games set up, but I hate that stores always have demo games set up! Nixon loves this lately, and if he were with Mac they'd probably have more fun together, but he was with me and I am not a video game person. Instead of forcing him to walk away, and knowing it had the potential to result in a full-on meltdown, I decided to explain the point of a date. I took Nixon to a quiet corner of the store, so I'd have his attention, and explained that even though he was only on a date with me this could be an experience he'd remember when he was older and ready to start dating someone he liked. (Of course, he says "I like you, Mommy") I go on to say, "dating is about sharing what you like with the person you like and also the person you like sharing what they like with you. It's a about compromise. If you pick dinner, maybe your date chooses the movie you see. And sometimes it means NOT doing what you like because maybe the person you're dating doesn't like that thing, like video games, and that's okay. You'll just learn to do those things you like when you're not on a date."
     After our talk, Nixon agreed to 3 minutes at the game demo station and then we'd leave the game area for good. I was expecting a little argument when his time was up, but instead, he put the controller down, grabbed my hand and told me it's time for our date.

------------------------------------------------

      Nixon's been working very hard at earning Dojo points in his classroom, which he gets for different positive classroom behaviors. It's a classroom tool the teacher uses to track the children's behaviors throughout the day and on Friday they can earn rewards based on the total number of points earned for the week. 

      Nixon's magic number this week was 50 points, if he earned 50 points, he'd be able to change his Dojo avatar. Last week he earned 47, and wasn't upset or disappointed, instead he decided he was "going to work super hard and get ALL 50 POINTS this week!". On Thursday he went to school with 24 points for the week. He came home and told us "I need 4 points tomorrow! I have 46 Dojo points!". Friday comes, and of course on the day I want to check the app the most the whole server has a giant technical fart and I can't even sign in. I was able to see Nixon got his 4 points! 

      Turns out, Nixon earned his 4 points and then spent the rest of the day whining to avoid earning more points. In his very literal-thinking mind, he thought if he earned more than 50 points he'd lose his reward. I tried explaining to him that wasn't the case, but he insisted it was. I asked if he'd feel better if I messaged his teacher and double-checked what he was told about the Dojo rewards. He said that was okay and went to bed. I messaged his teacher, who replied this morning, and it was exactly as I thought. I thanked his teacher and reassured her I'd help Nixon understand the rewards (honestly, no one gets paid enough to spend an afternoon listening to Nixon whine on purpose!) in hopes to avoid the confusion in the future.

     Tonight I tried to explain it to Nixon. I tried explaining the word "minimum" but with no luck. So I changed my tactic. Nixon's understands things better when he has a point of reference. Instead of saying "minimum" I tried "at least", and related it to the rides at the fair he went on once. "In order to ride the ride, you had to be at least as tall as the arrow (and I held my hand out and point down to the top of my hand) on the sign. Did that mean if you were taller than the arrow you couldn't ride the ride?". Nixon thought about it and said "No! Because you went on the rides with me and you were above the sign!". I continued that "at least" simply meant he needed that number or more, in order to earn his reward, no exactly that number and only that number. 

     It's hard sometimes to help explain things to Nixon, especially because I can't always understand why he doesn't understand something. I've learned that if I ask simple questions, Nixon will guide me to what is bothering him and then I can help him solve the problem in a way he understands. He's forcing me to change the way I explain things because the way I know and understand things doesn't work for him. 

     The simple fact that I can help him understand a difficult concept using how he thinks, makes it easier for me to advocate for him and explain his behaviors to his teachers/doctors and other people who come into contact with him. I can also help explain methods that might both help Nixon and the other party reach a mutually beneficial way of accomplishing a task.  

     

Our journey into the world of therapies has just begun

    Yesterday Nixon had his OT (Occupational Therapy) evaluation. It was....rough. He went into full-on sensory overload and had a resulting sensory overload meltdown when it was time to leave. Thankfully, Mac was with me and was able to pick him up and carry him out of the office. Nixon was doing his ear-splitting screeching and no one needs to hear that for any longer than absolutely necessary.
   On the way out, I was talking to the therapist who had evaluated Nixon and there was a woman in the waiting room. She was very kind about Nixon's behavior and remarked about how calmly I was handling his outburst. I thanked her and just responded with a comment of "It is what it is, if I'm not calm he feeds off my emotional response and that doesn't help any of us" and gave a uncomfortable chuckle. She smile kindly and said "You're doing better than you realize. You're smiling and already using coping skills to handle the cards you're dealt. You're going to do just fine, Hun. Even if you don't believe it right now. You're special family will be just fine."
    I thanked her again and left. I left before she could see the tears her kind words had caused to well up in my eyes. I choked them down as I headed down the stairs to join Mac, who was struggling with Nixon at the car. I handed everything in my hands to Mac and I gave him a break, because I saw that he was reaching his max and needed one. I went after Nixon, who was resisting getting into the car. I chased him down the sidewalk and saw his smile replace the scream. I picked him up and carried him to the car, the screaming returned. I buckled him in and when he was quiet, I made a deal with him: 2 minutes of quiet and he'd be able to play on my phone.
   After 5 minutes of silence, I handed him my phone.
   Mac and I spoke about the morning on the 25-minute drive home, because until then Mac had really only heard about these meltdowns but never really witnessed one from beginning to end. I explained that when the screeching starts, rationalizing with Nixon ends. At that moment, removing is the only option but it has to be done without emotion and mostly silently. It's hard, because during those moments I've had Nixon tell me I'm awful, I'm not his mom and it's his worst day ever. Those things are hard to hear but I know he doesn't really mean them, he's saying things to get a reaction from me, which I've learned to not give him.
 
   I don't feel like I'm doing anything extraordinary as a mother. I'm living life as best I can and learning to accept what our life will be like. It's not like everyone else's but sometimes I feel bad that everyone else won't know how awesome our life is!

    In other news: Next Tuesday morning, the 16th, we have our Central IEP board meeting. I'm very anxious about this meeting. There will only be one representative from the school present and I'm hoping to be given a chance to address some recent issues that Nixon has mentioned at home.
    The most upsetting happened last week. Nixon was having a bad day, and in the middle of him recovering and deescalating his behavior, he was laying on the floor face down, he said "I'm sorry I'm being such a brat, Mom". I was completely taken aback because I call him a lot of things ("booger", "punk", "tushie", to name a few) but never "brat". I asked him why he'd say that and he said "Well, sometimes [aide's name] tells me that when I'm being difficult". Now I have an issue with an adult name calling a child in her care who is obviously having a hard time. He's not a bad kid, he's having a difficult time! Mac was standing right there when Nixon said this and I thank gods he was because I nearly lost my mind! But, I can't do that because Nixon will misinterpret my reaction as something he did and react defensively.
     I haven't even been able to bring this to the school because I already know it'll be brushed off as "Nixon misunderstood" or something like that. They simply don't understand that he doesn't lie. He is incapable of lying because he doesn't understand the concept. He tattles on himself for things he does wrong!
   The other issue, is apparently, someone at the school has taken upon themselves to tell Nixon he's not returning to the school next year because "you are a bad kid who made a lot of bad choices and will be going to a new school next year." He won't tell me who told him this, but he's told both Mac and myself that he was told this at school. It was no one at the school's place to tell him this! It's as if they stopped caring about his emotions and just want to hurt him and see him lash out!

    Only a few more days of school and he's out of there. It's taken a lot of willpower not to start cussing every one of these adults out for the pain and negative self-esteem issues they're causing my son to have! He's 6, he's a gentle soul and he cares about them so much he tries protecting them even after they've said hurtful things to him!

 

   

Official medical diagnosis means more acronyms entering our lives

   Yesterday was Nixon's big appointment for a second opinion by our insurance company. This has been a long time coming and I really pushed to get this appointment. The original diagnosis was only ADHD by our insurance company, which was met with a quick push for medication.
   This appointment was a meeting with a board of 6 people who were going to evaluate Nixon's behaviors/speech/motor skills/school reports plus his GARS and other questionnaires I was asked to complete and bring to the appointment.

    We arrived 30 minutes later, in spite of leaving more than 90 minutes before our scheduled appointment time. Traffic in our area sucks! There were at least 3 different traffic accidents and backups that led to our late arrival. Thankfully, I called and gave the office a head's up so they were aware and prepared when we arrived. Nixon was pretty good even when he got bored, we did some math questions in the car.
 
    Without going into the long almost 2 hours of the evaluation and results process, the gist is: these medical professionals agreed with the school's findings that Nixon does have ASD/ADHD and SPD. He is highly hyper active and it's making any other disability hard to address. At one point, in a 2 minute period, Nixon got up/fidgeted/changed the subject over 15 times. While being asked questions about emotions, he was asked if he's ever sad. Nixon said "Well, sometimes I'm sad when no one plays with me at center time" (Center time is learning-based play centers in his classroom, he's never told me before that he's sometimes left without a partner or team during center time. That was difficult to hear and kind of put everything in perspective for me.)
   With the official medical diagnosis Nixon is now eligible for: OT (occupational therapy), ST (speech therapy) and ABA (applied behavioral analysis), all which will be covered by our insurance company! Plus we have a doctor's recommendation for a choice in schools when we meet with the County Central IEP Board in a couple weeks.

   You'd think that would be the end of the "good news" but it's not.
    This afternoon, Mac and I had a meeting with the Vice Principal regarding the recess incident from last week. I had requested to view video footage from the playground area, as the entire situation felt odd.
   Turns out, my gut feeling wasn't wrong.
   Mac asked to see a few minutes before the actual incident, which was cued up and didn't give any possible clue for Nixon's actions. As we watched the grainy, jumpy, tiny figures on the screen,  Mac and I started noticing things. The biggest one was Nixon was giving off non-verbal signals to the other child that he wanted to be left alone and the other child didn't respect those signals. Nixon put his arm out, straight at the child and the boy came at him. Nixon then dropped to the ground and basically turtled up (for lack of a better word),the boy then continued to stand over Nixon a few seconds before walking away. There's some discrepancy because to me it looked like Nixon may have been kicked by the boy, but neither Mac nor the Vice Principal could seem to see what I was looking at and said it may have been the boy turning to walk away. Either way, the next frame Nixon got up and went after the boy. The rest is history.
    After viewing this a few more times to be sure we all saw the same thing, the Vice Principal asked us to explain the non-verbal body language Mac and I were seeing Nixon displaying. She said she was going to show the other boy's mother (a teacher at the school) the video and explain the body language as we had explained to her, so she knows Nixon did not attack her son unprovoked. It's nice, but Mac's offer to sit down and speak with the other parent as well (prior to learning she was a teacher at the school) was rebuffed as "unnecessary" because this teacher "has worked with disabled children before and I'm sure she'll understand Nixon's particular case when I explain the video as you have", mind you all this took place with 3 adults less than 5 feet away and not one of them was aware of Nixon's nonverbal signals making me wonder how many of his other "major incidents" with other students had situations like this happening.

    I'm glad he wasn't suspended, because I'd have been more pissed off than I already was leaving that meeting room today. It seems, and thankfully today Mac was there to actually witness the bias, the school is so quick to paint Nixon as this bad, out-of-control child that no one even thinks to check to see if there was a valid reason for his actions. If I hadn't have followed my gut and asked to view the footage and Mac hadn't have asked to view more than the 15 seconds that was cued up for us, we wouldn't have the answers we have tonight.

It's okay to be angry, and I'm allowed to demand answers!

   It's been a hell of a month. It's May! Mac comes home in just over 2 weeks. The school's trying to "play nice" while still trying to find a way to get Nixon out of school.
   At the last IEP meeting, the principal suggested "at home crisis teaching" for half the day, which is Nixon would have a teacher from the county come to our home and teach him for 3 hours a week and he'd go to school in the afternoons for "specials" (Phys Ed/Art/Media, etc.). This was brought up as a solution for the aggressive meltdowns he had been having. I was opposed and had asked that the new schedule (mornings in the Special Education class with just his aide and the Special Education teacher then afternoons with his classmates for specials starting with lunch), be given 2 weeks before any further suggestions were made.
   After 4 days, I received a call asking about my willingness to consider the "at home crisis teaching plan" as Nixon was not adjusting to the newest educational situation. I asked, again, for the full 2 weeks agreed upon in the previous meeting. It takes him time to adjust to change.
   I had also made changes to his diet, his allergy and asthma medications (I took him off one that has been known to cause aggressive and violent behaviors in children with ADHD), I've started giving him a small cup of coffee which acts as a destimulant for those with ADHD or ADD unlike other people who use it to stay alert. I also bought him a necklace diffuse with essential oils meant to help keep him calm and focused, and I do a small massage on his feet and his back every morning before school.

   The second week of his new classroom setting saw a calmer, more quickly redirected Nixon when he did start a meltdown. He had a field trip, I went with as a chaperon. He had one meltdown at the beginning, but he recovered quickly, even from mid-meltdown he redirected himself!

   Last week was a funky week. Monday we came home from visiting Mac's family in Miami, and because our flight was so early, I kept Nixon home to let him adjust instead of sending him to school tired and cranky. It'd be setting him up for failure and he deserves better.
  Tuesday he was sent home early, turns out he caught pinkeye somehow. Wednesday he had to stay home because I couldn't get him to the doctor until the afternoon. Thursday he was okay, the medication for the pinkeye started working and he was able to return to school.
   Friday was a bad day. He was defiant, throwing things and abrasive. I had to go into the classroom and get him to leave school. Something was off, but I can't quite explain what.

    He's lost outside Phys Ed time, though I haven't gotten an exact explanation on why, yet. He told me today after school (another less than stellar day) that he had indoor recess. Today was beautiful outside. All the other kids had outdoor recess. Recess should not be taken away from any child, let alone an ADHD/ASD child.  He needs the outlet!

    I called the school as soon as I got home and left a message for the Vice Principal (also known as the top of the IEP board chain). She called me last night, in regards to Nixon's behavior last Friday, and inquired about the "crisis home teaching" plan option again. I explained that, as was discussed at the last meeting, that was only an option if his behaviors hadn't improved in the new setting and from what I was being told, he was more easily redirected and having few meltdowns. She admits to me she hadn't looked at his recent charts and was unsure if that was true or not.
   Then excuse me, but why the bloody hell are we discussing this?! He had a bad day, yes! But he went from having bad days that last hours to have a meltdown that he recovered from in less than 20 minutes! That's progress, in case anyone is wondering!

    The same VP called me tonight regarding the message I left after school. I was firm. I was passionate. I was angry! I was so pissed off that it feels like these adults are sabotaging my son's education so they can get him off their hands, instead of recognizing the progress he's made.
   I expressed my feelings about him losing outdoor recess. I was passionate about wanting answers regarding his lack of physical education options. And I was reasonably angry about how uninformed I was about these choices being made and how their affecting him. I was quite firm with my demand for answers about the recess being taken away and the PE situation when we meet for another IEP meeting on the 13th.

   I'm not sure how the Vice Principal felt after our conversation. I know she spent some time placating me, which is never a good idea when I'm in "Momma Bear" mode. But I made sure I was heard. I've advocated, I pleaded for the board to see Nixon and to understand him and his needs. I feel as though it's all falling on deaf ears and now I need to kick some dirt and raise a little hell! I'm angry, but it's okay. I'm allowed to be as long as it's a constructive anger.

Last week was not good

   If you noticed, I hadn't posted last week. Last week was hard, for several different reasons. I thought I was dying (allergies), Nixon had a really bad week at school and I had a breaking point which saw me crying in my car.
   And Nixon was suspended for a day.
   So yeah, a lot going on and I was just drained.

   Tuesday afternoon Nixon had a follow-up appointment with a childhood behaviorist through our insurance company, so I had to pick him up from school early. I was told, by his aide, that he had a very defiant day. He was blowing raspberries in her face at a very close proximity and wouldn't stop when asked, he was having a very hard time deescalating his behavior even when moving to a different setting or room, he was screeching in the halls (he has an ear-splitting level when he screeches, and it disturbs all the classrooms in the area), he was refusing to do work and spent nearly an hour out of the classroom.
   On the drive to the doctor's office, I received a call from the school. Since I was driving I let it go to voicemail and checked it once we parked. The principal called to let me know, that given Nixon's behavior for the day, she had no choice but to suspend him out of school and asked me to call her back. I, of course, did and this resulted in the oh-so fun game of phone tag.
   We went to Nixon's appointment. This particular doctor feels Nixon's issue is not ASD related, but simply ADHD. I went Tuesday armed with copies of the test results from the school. She looked them over, read them and still said "I still feel it's only ADHD. Now, about medications....." Thankfully, she listened to me, and did grant a referral to get a second opinion. I'm waiting for a date for that appointment.

   Now the suspension. After the principal and I finally were able to speak to each other, it became clear I was supposed to feel as though this was her only choice. This was all due to the behaviors I've mentioned above, as explained to me by the aide.
   However, the principal said this could be handled as an in-school suspension, but since he'd be with his aide an the special education teacher all day (the 2 adults he wouldn't calm down or listen too that day), she felt it wasn't a good option and that due to the screeching and all the time spent out of class, it' best if he were suspended out of school the next day so that he can reflect on his behavior and hopefully come back with a renewed outlook.
   I....didn't say much of anything. What do you say when it basically sounds like every person at the school needs "a break" from your child? Because to me, that's what I was hearing. He hadn't hurt anyone. He hadn't broken any rules. But he was being suspended because an in-school suspension would mean he'd be with 2 adults who hadn't handled him very well that day, for an entire day in a very small classroom. But I was already raw and emotionally broken from the doctor trying to just throw medications at Nixon, as if that's going to make him better, and now I'm hearing that the school basically needs a break from him for a day and this is their only solution.
    I hang up and I turn to Nixon, in the backseat of my car, and I tell him the principal has decided not to invite him to school the next day and Nixon says "Good. I don't want to go anyway."
    And my heart breaks. My eyes fill with tears and I sob! I cry the whole way home. I cry at home. Nixon asks me if I'm done crying. I tell him "I don't know", he says "Can you tell me when you're done because I might be hungry but I can't be around you when you're sad and crying", even though he brings me his teddy bear.

   Eventually, I calmed down. And then I get pissed! His teacher, his principal...I warned them all at the IEP meeting in January that it was going to get ugly when Mac left for his training. I told them there'd likely be some behavioral regressions. And I heard. "Oh that's fine, we'll be here for him.". Well, no the (pardon this) fuck you aren't! You're acting like you had no idea this was coming! I gave you 2 months to prepare.
   I hate how, every conversation I have with this principal, I'm made to feel like I'm sending a monster to school and she's a saint for doing as much as she's doing for him. Guess what?! It's you're damned job! I've been honest, up-front, available and beyond accommodating when it comes to Nixon and his issues. I'm not blind or in denial. I know hes not an ideal student, but I'm sick of getting guilted by this person because of my child's limitations. There is an IEP in place for a reason.
    You know, for all the "we tried literally, everything in our wheel house"talk about Tuesday's issues with Nixon, there was not one call to me. If he was so out-of-control, did not one person think to call me? I've been called to come for petty crap, like make sure he doesn't "ruin" a school event, no thought an epic meltdown with no end in sight was worthy of a call? At what point does one "throw in the towel" and call the big gun in?

    This week is a new week. We've got all week this week and one day next week before Nixon's Spring Break. He wants to do the Aquarium one day. I'll happily do that with him, because the joy on his face makes everything about driving into Baltimore worthwhile.

It was bound to happen some time soon

 

   This was yesterday's behavior sheet. Nixon had earned Lego time, which he was going to get today.
    Another 2 hour delay (weather again) and Nixon was in a great mood and ready to start when I dropped him off. He had a great morning, finished his work early enough to play with the Lego's before lunch time...and it all went down from there. 

   He could not pull himself together after having the Lego's taken away.  This is one of the roughest days he's had in quite a while.
    Today also happened to be "Welcome Wednesday", when parents are invited to have lunch with their kids at school. It's always chaotic and I never attend. My reason is simple: Nixon doesn't need me to come to school for 25 minutes and leave, it'd be difficult for him to adjust after that. I see him at home, he can have school as his time without me. It's not that I don't love him, I just want to keep his routine as unchanged as possible.  

   His day ended with the aide coming to get me to help get him out of the classroom. Nixon was refusing to leave, dead weighting and screaming. I walked into the room and he was sitting quietly next to his teacher, jacket on. He saw me and tried to hide inside his coat! Literally, pulled his head inside the chest part and tried to zip the coat up while he was buried in it. I stood back and let him do it. I wasn't talking to him yet.
    He finally said "Hi Mommy. I'm not going home today". I walked over to him, crouched down so he could see my eyes and hear me as I whispered to him. I don't yell at him in school (I'm not going to lie and say I never yell at him. I'm a parent and I'm not perfect, and this kid can push every button I have. Yelling happens). I did talk to him, very quietly, and asked him if he wanted me to "carry you like a baby in front of all your friends?", of course expecting him to say no. Instead he said yes. So I lifted him arm under his knees and around his back. As I'm carrying him his teacher stops me. Now, I'm trying to get Nixon out of the class without him screaming I'm not exactly in a place to have a conversation with her.
    But it wasn't awful. She apologized again, complimented me for being able to work with Nixon and manage to keep him from screaming (I want to get her ear plugs on some day, Nixon's pitch is evil!) and thanked me for the peanut butter glitter jar. The conversation wasn't as painful as I thought it may have been. 

   The only other awful (disgusting) thing that happened was, apparently, at one point during Nixon's afternoon he decided to pick his nose and try to wipe it on his friends. Of course, kids were laughing and Nixon kept it up until removed from class for a moment. This is so gross! Sometimes he just comes up with things, impulse actions, without any thought before acting. This is one of those things. 

    Just one more thing. I know the difference between Nixon having a rough "Aspie" day and Nixon just acting out to get his way. Today was an "Aspie" day. He came home, did a little reading and crashed in his bed for an hour-long nap. Exhaustion at the end of a difficult or bad day is the telltale sign that Nixon's behavior was more Asperger's issues than ADHD acting out.  

...and then there's his teacher (UPDATE at the bottom)

    Nixon's teacher has a "vibe" about him. She's made comments before, along the lines of him "getting his way" at home or him "not used to sharing attention", and there was a "an only child, mmmhmm" when we first met. 

    I've grit my teeth and ignored them. I smiled when she said to to me "He's a totally different kid around you", on a day I was called in to help Nixon for a kindergarten-wide event. I don't know how to respond to that. Aren't most kids different around their parents? Maybe not always for the best, but most kids behave differently when their parents are around. 

    Today, while discussing Nixon's school behavior with the IEP board members his teacher made a comment about Nixon not acting out at home like at school. I told the board, it's difficult to hear Nixon being described as he's been since school started because it felt as though it was someone else's child. It felt as though Nixon had a "Dr Jeckyl and Mr Hyde" situation, except that I'd never seen the bad personality. His teacher said something along the lines of  Nixon "gets to do what he wants at home". It's not the first time she's made a comment like this, but I'm damned sure making sure it will be the last time I don't respond. 

   Instead of going off on her in front of the group and taking the focus off of Nixon's needs, I decided to write an email when I got home. I didn't send it right away, I let it sit while I took Nixon to a play group.

    Here's what I ultimately sent:

Dear Mrs C, 

    First, let me say I realize Nixon is not an "ideal" student. And I appreciate the patience you've shown with him and techniques you've implemented in the classroom to accommodate him.

   However, I was offended by a comment you made in today's meeting and rather than addressing it in the group setting, I felt I'd come to you one-on-one about it.
    I'm not sure how or why you've got the impression that Nixon "gets his way" at home, but that was the comment you made in the meeting today and I feel I have to defend not only myself but my family. 

    Your exact comment was along the lines of "...and he gets his way" regarding Nixon at home. Yes, Nixon is an only child but he does not run things. Have I made accommodations for him? Of course, but you as a mother yourself can't say you don't do the same for your own children.

    If I was a parent that allowed my child to "run things", I wouldn't be reaching out to all resources to get him help. I wouldn't be making doctors appointments and setting up meetings at the school for testing. I wouldn't even admit my child had issues. But I do and have accepted that Nixon is "that kid" for you this school year. 

    What hurts me, as a mother, is that I feel you've unfairly judged Nixon (and my family as a whole) because he is an only child. This is not the first time I've gotten that impression from you, but I'd like it to be the last. Nixon is a child with multiple disabilities but he is far from spoiled.

    I do realize this message maybe seen as confrontational and I apologize for that. But I felt it needed to be addressed and I'd prefer not to do it in a group setting, as I previously mentioned. 

Thank you for your time.
Regards,
(me)

   We'll see if she responds. I've sent emails before and it's hit or miss for response times. I sent one in late October....I'm still waiting for a response. 

   I just couldn't ignore the comments anymore. I needed to say something and I had to be able to control my temper. Email was the perfect solution. 


Update:
   There was a (surprising) response in m inbox this morning.

Mrs. B,

I am so glad that you reached out to me to share your thoughts.  My intent was never to judge or offend you or your family.  In no way did I mean to question your parenting skills or to imply that Nixon is a spoiled child.  When I shared that Nixon gets to do what he wants at  home, I was just trying to point out the difference between a home setting and a scheduled, structured school setting with high demands.

I do realize how much you work with and for Nixon and really appreciate your involvement and support.  I am glad to be part of the team that is helping him.  He is truly a sweet child, and I do enjoy having him in my class.

Thank you,

(teacher)