I can't speak for other parents of children with ASD, but in my own daily life with Nixon social situations are tough. He's not good at respecting personal space. He's a very affectionate kid but that's not always appropriate for school.
Nixon has developed a friendship with another classmate. Nixon tells us that A is his "bff...best friends forever". It's a touching milestone because, until A, he just parallel played with classmates. With A, Nixon has learned to play WITH another child. They've even created a game to play together during recess.
But with this new friendship comes issues of another kind. Nixon doesn't like sharing A with other classmates. He can sometimes become quite a pill when A plays with other children, even if Nixon is included in the group.
Nixon's also been having trouble keeping his hands to himself in school.
And that is where I come in with another creative way to help him navigate life.
Nixon loves bubbles. I relied on this love to help explain personal space. I had him make a half-circle with his arms, from the side of his body to right out in front of his chest. I told him that was his "personal bubble". I went on to explain that everyone has a bubble around them. Sometime, a friend will invite into their bubble (for hugs/high-fives/kisses, etc.) and that's okay. But if you aren't invited into a friend's bubble and you go into it anyways, you'll pop that friend's bubble and your own. I asked Nixon, "How do you feel when the bubbles we blow outside pop?". Nixon said "it makes me very sad". I told him that's sometimes how friends feel when we invade their personal space.
Every day before school I remind Nixon "don't be a bubble popper". He laughs and tells me he'll try his best. That's all I ever ask,
Showing posts with label ASD. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ASD. Show all posts
Monday, February 29, 2016
Sunday, February 7, 2016
"What's going on with my head? I can't stop thinking about..."
Here we are, halfway through Nixon's school year. His second report card just came home Friday and, for the most part, he improved or stayed the same across the board. Except reading. He slipped in reading, going from at grade level, to below grade level. We'll be addressing that at home with more reading.
As any parent knows, life with children is full of struggles. We as parents struggle and our children struggle. But parents of a child with special needs my struggles seem to be two-fold.
I watch Nixon struggle with social interactions. I've seen him overwhelmed by something as small as a neighbor's dog approaching him. Nixon knows this dog, and in the past has pet and enjoyed this dog's affection, but still gets overwhelmed and freezes in place when the dog simply brushed his side. The issue isn't the dog, but rather the unexpected contact with the dog. It happened so fast, Nixon couldn't process the interaction and continue walking. It hurts to see him so overwhelmed because he thinks he's the problem, when in reality it's just an unfortunately timed series of events that led to his actions, or lack thereof. Thankfully most of our neighbors are kind and understanding of Nixon and dogs, and in situations like this they call their dogs over and Nixon unfreezes and goes into the house without further incidents. And he almost always gushes about how much the dog loves him and how much he loves the dog!
Nixon struggles with focusing on a task. He'll ask to get on the computer or use his tablet, which with time limits he's allowed daily. The struggle comes when I ask him to wait, patiently, for a few minutes. Sometimes I'm in the middle of something and need to complete it first, other times I ask him to wait simply to work on his patience. (He struggles with it in school as well, and often times causes a disruption when he can't do his desired task right away.) He is improving. A few months ago, asking him to wait would have resulted in a full-on meltdown. Now, when asked to wait, he pouts mostly. Sometimes he will throw a fit but he goes to his room to calm down before it gets any worse.
He also has a new phrase that he'll repeat endlessly while waiting. "I'm trying so hard but my brain just won't stop thinking about (computer time/tablet time)." He will grab his hair and pull his hair as he says this too. I try to always take time and acknowledge his effort when he vocalizes his mental discomfort.
I can't end this post on a down note. Nixon has developed his first peer friendship! He's got his first BFF! He is so excited about this friendship and we are as well. Nixon even asked if he could get his BFF a Valentine's Day gift. We bought classroom gifts and Nixon will be able to address the gift bag for his friend, in his own handwriting, which seemed to appease him.
This friendship is a huge milestone for Nixon. At his preschool and in Kindergarten, he simple played around other children. This year, he's actively playing WITH a child and sometimes even a group of classmates. Nixon and his bff even invented a Time Travel game of tag they play together at recess!
As any parent knows, life with children is full of struggles. We as parents struggle and our children struggle. But parents of a child with special needs my struggles seem to be two-fold.
I watch Nixon struggle with social interactions. I've seen him overwhelmed by something as small as a neighbor's dog approaching him. Nixon knows this dog, and in the past has pet and enjoyed this dog's affection, but still gets overwhelmed and freezes in place when the dog simply brushed his side. The issue isn't the dog, but rather the unexpected contact with the dog. It happened so fast, Nixon couldn't process the interaction and continue walking. It hurts to see him so overwhelmed because he thinks he's the problem, when in reality it's just an unfortunately timed series of events that led to his actions, or lack thereof. Thankfully most of our neighbors are kind and understanding of Nixon and dogs, and in situations like this they call their dogs over and Nixon unfreezes and goes into the house without further incidents. And he almost always gushes about how much the dog loves him and how much he loves the dog!
Nixon struggles with focusing on a task. He'll ask to get on the computer or use his tablet, which with time limits he's allowed daily. The struggle comes when I ask him to wait, patiently, for a few minutes. Sometimes I'm in the middle of something and need to complete it first, other times I ask him to wait simply to work on his patience. (He struggles with it in school as well, and often times causes a disruption when he can't do his desired task right away.) He is improving. A few months ago, asking him to wait would have resulted in a full-on meltdown. Now, when asked to wait, he pouts mostly. Sometimes he will throw a fit but he goes to his room to calm down before it gets any worse.
He also has a new phrase that he'll repeat endlessly while waiting. "I'm trying so hard but my brain just won't stop thinking about (computer time/tablet time)." He will grab his hair and pull his hair as he says this too. I try to always take time and acknowledge his effort when he vocalizes his mental discomfort.
I can't end this post on a down note. Nixon has developed his first peer friendship! He's got his first BFF! He is so excited about this friendship and we are as well. Nixon even asked if he could get his BFF a Valentine's Day gift. We bought classroom gifts and Nixon will be able to address the gift bag for his friend, in his own handwriting, which seemed to appease him.
This friendship is a huge milestone for Nixon. At his preschool and in Kindergarten, he simple played around other children. This year, he's actively playing WITH a child and sometimes even a group of classmates. Nixon and his bff even invented a Time Travel game of tag they play together at recess!
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Official medical diagnosis means more acronyms entering our lives
Yesterday was Nixon's big appointment for a second opinion by our insurance company. This has been a long time coming and I really pushed to get this appointment. The original diagnosis was only ADHD by our insurance company, which was met with a quick push for medication.
This appointment was a meeting with a board of 6 people who were going to evaluate Nixon's behaviors/speech/motor skills/school reports plus his GARS and other questionnaires I was asked to complete and bring to the appointment.
We arrived 30 minutes later, in spite of leaving more than 90 minutes before our scheduled appointment time. Traffic in our area sucks! There were at least 3 different traffic accidents and backups that led to our late arrival. Thankfully, I called and gave the office a head's up so they were aware and prepared when we arrived. Nixon was pretty good even when he got bored, we did some math questions in the car.
Without going into the long almost 2 hours of the evaluation and results process, the gist is: these medical professionals agreed with the school's findings that Nixon does have ASD/ADHD and SPD. He is highly hyper active and it's making any other disability hard to address. At one point, in a 2 minute period, Nixon got up/fidgeted/changed the subject over 15 times. While being asked questions about emotions, he was asked if he's ever sad. Nixon said "Well, sometimes I'm sad when no one plays with me at center time" (Center time is learning-based play centers in his classroom, he's never told me before that he's sometimes left without a partner or team during center time. That was difficult to hear and kind of put everything in perspective for me.)
With the official medical diagnosis Nixon is now eligible for: OT (occupational therapy), ST (speech therapy) and ABA (applied behavioral analysis), all which will be covered by our insurance company! Plus we have a doctor's recommendation for a choice in schools when we meet with the County Central IEP Board in a couple weeks.
You'd think that would be the end of the "good news" but it's not.
This afternoon, Mac and I had a meeting with the Vice Principal regarding the recess incident from last week. I had requested to view video footage from the playground area, as the entire situation felt odd.
Turns out, my gut feeling wasn't wrong.
Mac asked to see a few minutes before the actual incident, which was cued up and didn't give any possible clue for Nixon's actions. As we watched the grainy, jumpy, tiny figures on the screen, Mac and I started noticing things. The biggest one was Nixon was giving off non-verbal signals to the other child that he wanted to be left alone and the other child didn't respect those signals. Nixon put his arm out, straight at the child and the boy came at him. Nixon then dropped to the ground and basically turtled up (for lack of a better word),the boy then continued to stand over Nixon a few seconds before walking away. There's some discrepancy because to me it looked like Nixon may have been kicked by the boy, but neither Mac nor the Vice Principal could seem to see what I was looking at and said it may have been the boy turning to walk away. Either way, the next frame Nixon got up and went after the boy. The rest is history.
After viewing this a few more times to be sure we all saw the same thing, the Vice Principal asked us to explain the non-verbal body language Mac and I were seeing Nixon displaying. She said she was going to show the other boy's mother (a teacher at the school) the video and explain the body language as we had explained to her, so she knows Nixon did not attack her son unprovoked. It's nice, but Mac's offer to sit down and speak with the other parent as well (prior to learning she was a teacher at the school) was rebuffed as "unnecessary" because this teacher "has worked with disabled children before and I'm sure she'll understand Nixon's particular case when I explain the video as you have", mind you all this took place with 3 adults less than 5 feet away and not one of them was aware of Nixon's nonverbal signals making me wonder how many of his other "major incidents" with other students had situations like this happening.
I'm glad he wasn't suspended, because I'd have been more pissed off than I already was leaving that meeting room today. It seems, and thankfully today Mac was there to actually witness the bias, the school is so quick to paint Nixon as this bad, out-of-control child that no one even thinks to check to see if there was a valid reason for his actions. If I hadn't have followed my gut and asked to view the footage and Mac hadn't have asked to view more than the 15 seconds that was cued up for us, we wouldn't have the answers we have tonight.
This appointment was a meeting with a board of 6 people who were going to evaluate Nixon's behaviors/speech/motor skills/school reports plus his GARS and other questionnaires I was asked to complete and bring to the appointment.
We arrived 30 minutes later, in spite of leaving more than 90 minutes before our scheduled appointment time. Traffic in our area sucks! There were at least 3 different traffic accidents and backups that led to our late arrival. Thankfully, I called and gave the office a head's up so they were aware and prepared when we arrived. Nixon was pretty good even when he got bored, we did some math questions in the car.
Without going into the long almost 2 hours of the evaluation and results process, the gist is: these medical professionals agreed with the school's findings that Nixon does have ASD/ADHD and SPD. He is highly hyper active and it's making any other disability hard to address. At one point, in a 2 minute period, Nixon got up/fidgeted/changed the subject over 15 times. While being asked questions about emotions, he was asked if he's ever sad. Nixon said "Well, sometimes I'm sad when no one plays with me at center time" (Center time is learning-based play centers in his classroom, he's never told me before that he's sometimes left without a partner or team during center time. That was difficult to hear and kind of put everything in perspective for me.)
With the official medical diagnosis Nixon is now eligible for: OT (occupational therapy), ST (speech therapy) and ABA (applied behavioral analysis), all which will be covered by our insurance company! Plus we have a doctor's recommendation for a choice in schools when we meet with the County Central IEP Board in a couple weeks.
You'd think that would be the end of the "good news" but it's not.
This afternoon, Mac and I had a meeting with the Vice Principal regarding the recess incident from last week. I had requested to view video footage from the playground area, as the entire situation felt odd.
Turns out, my gut feeling wasn't wrong.
Mac asked to see a few minutes before the actual incident, which was cued up and didn't give any possible clue for Nixon's actions. As we watched the grainy, jumpy, tiny figures on the screen, Mac and I started noticing things. The biggest one was Nixon was giving off non-verbal signals to the other child that he wanted to be left alone and the other child didn't respect those signals. Nixon put his arm out, straight at the child and the boy came at him. Nixon then dropped to the ground and basically turtled up (for lack of a better word),the boy then continued to stand over Nixon a few seconds before walking away. There's some discrepancy because to me it looked like Nixon may have been kicked by the boy, but neither Mac nor the Vice Principal could seem to see what I was looking at and said it may have been the boy turning to walk away. Either way, the next frame Nixon got up and went after the boy. The rest is history.
After viewing this a few more times to be sure we all saw the same thing, the Vice Principal asked us to explain the non-verbal body language Mac and I were seeing Nixon displaying. She said she was going to show the other boy's mother (a teacher at the school) the video and explain the body language as we had explained to her, so she knows Nixon did not attack her son unprovoked. It's nice, but Mac's offer to sit down and speak with the other parent as well (prior to learning she was a teacher at the school) was rebuffed as "unnecessary" because this teacher "has worked with disabled children before and I'm sure she'll understand Nixon's particular case when I explain the video as you have", mind you all this took place with 3 adults less than 5 feet away and not one of them was aware of Nixon's nonverbal signals making me wonder how many of his other "major incidents" with other students had situations like this happening.
I'm glad he wasn't suspended, because I'd have been more pissed off than I already was leaving that meeting room today. It seems, and thankfully today Mac was there to actually witness the bias, the school is so quick to paint Nixon as this bad, out-of-control child that no one even thinks to check to see if there was a valid reason for his actions. If I hadn't have followed my gut and asked to view the footage and Mac hadn't have asked to view more than the 15 seconds that was cued up for us, we wouldn't have the answers we have tonight.
Monday, March 23, 2015
Last week was not good
If you noticed, I hadn't posted last week. Last week was hard, for several different reasons. I thought I was dying (allergies), Nixon had a really bad week at school and I had a breaking point which saw me crying in my car.
And Nixon was suspended for a day.
So yeah, a lot going on and I was just drained.
Tuesday afternoon Nixon had a follow-up appointment with a childhood behaviorist through our insurance company, so I had to pick him up from school early. I was told, by his aide, that he had a very defiant day. He was blowing raspberries in her face at a very close proximity and wouldn't stop when asked, he was having a very hard time deescalating his behavior even when moving to a different setting or room, he was screeching in the halls (he has an ear-splitting level when he screeches, and it disturbs all the classrooms in the area), he was refusing to do work and spent nearly an hour out of the classroom.
On the drive to the doctor's office, I received a call from the school. Since I was driving I let it go to voicemail and checked it once we parked. The principal called to let me know, that given Nixon's behavior for the day, she had no choice but to suspend him out of school and asked me to call her back. I, of course, did and this resulted in the oh-so fun game of phone tag.
We went to Nixon's appointment. This particular doctor feels Nixon's issue is not ASD related, but simply ADHD. I went Tuesday armed with copies of the test results from the school. She looked them over, read them and still said "I still feel it's only ADHD. Now, about medications....." Thankfully, she listened to me, and did grant a referral to get a second opinion. I'm waiting for a date for that appointment.
Now the suspension. After the principal and I finally were able to speak to each other, it became clear I was supposed to feel as though this was her only choice. This was all due to the behaviors I've mentioned above, as explained to me by the aide.
However, the principal said this could be handled as an in-school suspension, but since he'd be with his aide an the special education teacher all day (the 2 adults he wouldn't calm down or listen too that day), she felt it wasn't a good option and that due to the screeching and all the time spent out of class, it' best if he were suspended out of school the next day so that he can reflect on his behavior and hopefully come back with a renewed outlook.
I....didn't say much of anything. What do you say when it basically sounds like every person at the school needs "a break" from your child? Because to me, that's what I was hearing. He hadn't hurt anyone. He hadn't broken any rules. But he was being suspended because an in-school suspension would mean he'd be with 2 adults who hadn't handled him very well that day, for an entire day in a very small classroom. But I was already raw and emotionally broken from the doctor trying to just throw medications at Nixon, as if that's going to make him better, and now I'm hearing that the school basically needs a break from him for a day and this is their only solution.
I hang up and I turn to Nixon, in the backseat of my car, and I tell him the principal has decided not to invite him to school the next day and Nixon says "Good. I don't want to go anyway."
And my heart breaks. My eyes fill with tears and I sob! I cry the whole way home. I cry at home. Nixon asks me if I'm done crying. I tell him "I don't know", he says "Can you tell me when you're done because I might be hungry but I can't be around you when you're sad and crying", even though he brings me his teddy bear.
Eventually, I calmed down. And then I get pissed! His teacher, his principal...I warned them all at the IEP meeting in January that it was going to get ugly when Mac left for his training. I told them there'd likely be some behavioral regressions. And I heard. "Oh that's fine, we'll be here for him.". Well, no the (pardon this) fuck you aren't! You're acting like you had no idea this was coming! I gave you 2 months to prepare.
I hate how, every conversation I have with this principal, I'm made to feel like I'm sending a monster to school and she's a saint for doing as much as she's doing for him. Guess what?! It's you're damned job! I've been honest, up-front, available and beyond accommodating when it comes to Nixon and his issues. I'm not blind or in denial. I know hes not an ideal student, but I'm sick of getting guilted by this person because of my child's limitations. There is an IEP in place for a reason.
You know, for all the "we tried literally, everything in our wheel house"talk about Tuesday's issues with Nixon, there was not one call to me. If he was so out-of-control, did not one person think to call me? I've been called to come for petty crap, like make sure he doesn't "ruin" a school event, no thought an epic meltdown with no end in sight was worthy of a call? At what point does one "throw in the towel" and call the big gun in?
This week is a new week. We've got all week this week and one day next week before Nixon's Spring Break. He wants to do the Aquarium one day. I'll happily do that with him, because the joy on his face makes everything about driving into Baltimore worthwhile.
And Nixon was suspended for a day.
So yeah, a lot going on and I was just drained.
Tuesday afternoon Nixon had a follow-up appointment with a childhood behaviorist through our insurance company, so I had to pick him up from school early. I was told, by his aide, that he had a very defiant day. He was blowing raspberries in her face at a very close proximity and wouldn't stop when asked, he was having a very hard time deescalating his behavior even when moving to a different setting or room, he was screeching in the halls (he has an ear-splitting level when he screeches, and it disturbs all the classrooms in the area), he was refusing to do work and spent nearly an hour out of the classroom.
On the drive to the doctor's office, I received a call from the school. Since I was driving I let it go to voicemail and checked it once we parked. The principal called to let me know, that given Nixon's behavior for the day, she had no choice but to suspend him out of school and asked me to call her back. I, of course, did and this resulted in the oh-so fun game of phone tag.
We went to Nixon's appointment. This particular doctor feels Nixon's issue is not ASD related, but simply ADHD. I went Tuesday armed with copies of the test results from the school. She looked them over, read them and still said "I still feel it's only ADHD. Now, about medications....." Thankfully, she listened to me, and did grant a referral to get a second opinion. I'm waiting for a date for that appointment.
Now the suspension. After the principal and I finally were able to speak to each other, it became clear I was supposed to feel as though this was her only choice. This was all due to the behaviors I've mentioned above, as explained to me by the aide.
However, the principal said this could be handled as an in-school suspension, but since he'd be with his aide an the special education teacher all day (the 2 adults he wouldn't calm down or listen too that day), she felt it wasn't a good option and that due to the screeching and all the time spent out of class, it' best if he were suspended out of school the next day so that he can reflect on his behavior and hopefully come back with a renewed outlook.
I....didn't say much of anything. What do you say when it basically sounds like every person at the school needs "a break" from your child? Because to me, that's what I was hearing. He hadn't hurt anyone. He hadn't broken any rules. But he was being suspended because an in-school suspension would mean he'd be with 2 adults who hadn't handled him very well that day, for an entire day in a very small classroom. But I was already raw and emotionally broken from the doctor trying to just throw medications at Nixon, as if that's going to make him better, and now I'm hearing that the school basically needs a break from him for a day and this is their only solution.
I hang up and I turn to Nixon, in the backseat of my car, and I tell him the principal has decided not to invite him to school the next day and Nixon says "Good. I don't want to go anyway."
And my heart breaks. My eyes fill with tears and I sob! I cry the whole way home. I cry at home. Nixon asks me if I'm done crying. I tell him "I don't know", he says "Can you tell me when you're done because I might be hungry but I can't be around you when you're sad and crying", even though he brings me his teddy bear.
Eventually, I calmed down. And then I get pissed! His teacher, his principal...I warned them all at the IEP meeting in January that it was going to get ugly when Mac left for his training. I told them there'd likely be some behavioral regressions. And I heard. "Oh that's fine, we'll be here for him.". Well, no the (pardon this) fuck you aren't! You're acting like you had no idea this was coming! I gave you 2 months to prepare.
I hate how, every conversation I have with this principal, I'm made to feel like I'm sending a monster to school and she's a saint for doing as much as she's doing for him. Guess what?! It's you're damned job! I've been honest, up-front, available and beyond accommodating when it comes to Nixon and his issues. I'm not blind or in denial. I know hes not an ideal student, but I'm sick of getting guilted by this person because of my child's limitations. There is an IEP in place for a reason.
You know, for all the "we tried literally, everything in our wheel house"talk about Tuesday's issues with Nixon, there was not one call to me. If he was so out-of-control, did not one person think to call me? I've been called to come for petty crap, like make sure he doesn't "ruin" a school event, no thought an epic meltdown with no end in sight was worthy of a call? At what point does one "throw in the towel" and call the big gun in?
This week is a new week. We've got all week this week and one day next week before Nixon's Spring Break. He wants to do the Aquarium one day. I'll happily do that with him, because the joy on his face makes everything about driving into Baltimore worthwhile.
Thursday, March 12, 2015
It's slowly happening...some people at school are getting how he thinks!
A couple days behind, but that seems to be a regular occurrence lately. This week Nixon's struggling in school adjusting to a full schedule again, Mac being gone and it being just the 2 of us at home. Tuesday and Wednesday Nixon spent over an hour out of class during those 2 days. I'm trying everything to get him back on track, but really it's up to him to find his groove at school again.
He found it today:
After I explained, both the aide (who was also with them to say goodbye to Nixon for the day) and the Special Ed teacher said that made sense, knowing what they do about Nixon. They also said they're going to try to think like him next time he's trying to explain something but getting frustrated, as was the case when the question of "what/who is 11?".
He found it today:
When I picked him up, I was introduced to Ms. J. Nixon was very excited for me to meet her, because tomorrow after he finished his lunch he gets to help her wheel around the trash cans in the cafeteria.
The Special Education teacher introduced me to her with her name and then also as "Number 11". Apparently, for the first few weeks Nixon knew Ms J he only referred to her as "Number 11" and got very frustrated when no one knew who he was talking about. As the teacher was telling me the story of how everyone was trying to figure out what "11" meant, I noticed the badge Ms J wore with the bold red 11 on it. I let the teacher finish and then explained why Nixon likely identified Ms J as "11".
This actually isn't really uncommon. It's known as "face blindness". Some people with ASD don't recognize people by faces but rather other identifying features they notice about the person. Nixon likes to identify people by their skin color, hair color or jacket colors, so if he noticed Ms J's badge had a number on it, he'd identify her by the number. Since learning her name he's begun calling her "11, Ms. J".The Special Education teacher introduced me to her with her name and then also as "Number 11". Apparently, for the first few weeks Nixon knew Ms J he only referred to her as "Number 11" and got very frustrated when no one knew who he was talking about. As the teacher was telling me the story of how everyone was trying to figure out what "11" meant, I noticed the badge Ms J wore with the bold red 11 on it. I let the teacher finish and then explained why Nixon likely identified Ms J as "11".
After I explained, both the aide (who was also with them to say goodbye to Nixon for the day) and the Special Ed teacher said that made sense, knowing what they do about Nixon. They also said they're going to try to think like him next time he's trying to explain something but getting frustrated, as was the case when the question of "what/who is 11?".
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
Tuesday? Monday? Who can tell anymore...
Yesterday was a snow day. There wasn't any real snow, but it was very icy and very dangerous. Snow day 4 of the 5 built into the school districts schedule.
Because of Nixon's snow day he was able to go with me and take Mac to the airport for the second time. This time we did a curbside drop-off. Nixon was very fine with the drop-off. Nixon was great at home at dinner. He was fine at bedtime. In fact, he brought me the teddy bear Mac made for him (after he as supposed to be asleep) and said "Mommy, here. You can press the paw right here to listen to Daddy's voice if you miss him." I tell him that Capt Bearmerica is his bear and he says "I know, but Daddy didn't leave anything for you in case you miss him."
I wake up and Nixon is in bed with me this morning.
We had an easy morning this morning. Up, fed, dressed and out of the door with no issue this morning. Shocking! After we arrive at school, as I'm dropping him off with the teacher's aide I give her a heads up about Mac leaving yesterday, and I leave him at school. Hoping for the best.
Because of Nixon's snow day he was able to go with me and take Mac to the airport for the second time. This time we did a curbside drop-off. Nixon was very fine with the drop-off. Nixon was great at home at dinner. He was fine at bedtime. In fact, he brought me the teddy bear Mac made for him (after he as supposed to be asleep) and said "Mommy, here. You can press the paw right here to listen to Daddy's voice if you miss him." I tell him that Capt Bearmerica is his bear and he says "I know, but Daddy didn't leave anything for you in case you miss him."
I wake up and Nixon is in bed with me this morning.
We had an easy morning this morning. Up, fed, dressed and out of the door with no issue this morning. Shocking! After we arrive at school, as I'm dropping him off with the teacher's aide I give her a heads up about Mac leaving yesterday, and I leave him at school. Hoping for the best.
His first really great day in a couple weeks! It was a full day and he came home with 8 of 9 smiley faces! He spent only 10 minutes out of class.
What some people may not know about children on the spectrum or with SPD is that, when these children get overwhelmed they may not want any kind of touch. Nixon has not ever told me to not touch him.
What some people may not know about children on the spectrum or with SPD is that, when these children get overwhelmed they may not want any kind of touch. Nixon has not ever told me to not touch him.
Until tonight.
He came out from him bedroom, crying. He'd been in there and asleep for about an hour before this. I called him over and asked him what was wrong. He said "I can't find sleep." Usually, when he's upset about anything, he'll curl up on my lap and listen to my heart while he calms down. Tonight I try to get him comfortable and he pushes me away. I stop. While a part of me aches to comfort him, I need to do it on his terms. I ask him if he doesn't want to be touched. He tells me "no touching, Mom". I ask him if I can wipe his tears, which he agrees to. I get him calmed down and he asks to sleep in my bed, on Mac's side. I don't care, it's a bed big enough for the both of us, as long as he gets sleep.
Thursday, January 29, 2015
When Acronyms meet new places
Part of every child's life is birthday parties. Neurological normal kids have no problem with these events and they love attending.
Our lives, however, make it a little harder. There's knowing he's going to face overwhelming noises, have sensory overload from the sounds, more than likely at least one meltdown. Then we have to factor in that there will be limited routine and lots of chaos. While birthday parties are fun for most kids, for my little SPD, ASD, ADHD kiddo it can be exhausting.
I don't try to avoid parties, Nixon's only had 2 invitations this school year and we've attended (or made plans to attend) them both. But it takes a lot of preparation, both for Nixon and me. I start by reminding him it'll be loud. I then let him know that he will have to let the birthday child open his presents, without Nixon's help. I have to let him know that we may eat first or play first, there's no real routine.
The biggest thing I do for him is let him know that, at any time, he can ask me to leave or help him find a quiet corner. I also carry headphones in my purse, in case he just can't handle the noise. I try to make the car ride, to and from, as quiet as possible, allowing him to decompress immediately afterwards.
For me, I make sure I have a BIG cup of coffee. I also pack my balls-of-steel because I never know when I'll have to deal with an adult who doesn't understand Nixon's issues and tries to run his/her mouth. I've been lucky so far and never needed to use them, but with every event we go to, odds are eventually one day I'll need them.
Our lives, however, make it a little harder. There's knowing he's going to face overwhelming noises, have sensory overload from the sounds, more than likely at least one meltdown. Then we have to factor in that there will be limited routine and lots of chaos. While birthday parties are fun for most kids, for my little SPD, ASD, ADHD kiddo it can be exhausting.
I don't try to avoid parties, Nixon's only had 2 invitations this school year and we've attended (or made plans to attend) them both. But it takes a lot of preparation, both for Nixon and me. I start by reminding him it'll be loud. I then let him know that he will have to let the birthday child open his presents, without Nixon's help. I have to let him know that we may eat first or play first, there's no real routine.
The biggest thing I do for him is let him know that, at any time, he can ask me to leave or help him find a quiet corner. I also carry headphones in my purse, in case he just can't handle the noise. I try to make the car ride, to and from, as quiet as possible, allowing him to decompress immediately afterwards.
For me, I make sure I have a BIG cup of coffee. I also pack my balls-of-steel because I never know when I'll have to deal with an adult who doesn't understand Nixon's issues and tries to run his/her mouth. I've been lucky so far and never needed to use them, but with every event we go to, odds are eventually one day I'll need them.
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
Too good to be true, but.....
Today was a rough one. Nixon woke up and it was snowing. The roads were crap and a lot of parents in the area saying school should've been closed. But it is what it is and I sent Nixon to school. I did cancel his afternoon appointment with the child psychologist. The roads I would have had to have taken to get him there were just total accident magnets. Since it wasn't a life or death situation, I felt there was no need to take the risk.
Nixon, on the way out the door to school, says to me "Mommy, I can't wait for outdoor recess today!". I calmly warned him that there was a very high probability that was NOT going to happen today. I told him that again while walking him to the entrance.
**By the way, the CUTEST thing happened as he was getting ready to enter school. Nixon's classmates H and A were getting out of their parents cars and walking into school when they both say Nixon. I heard, in the most adorable chorus, "Nixon! Hi Nixon!" and Nixon returning the gleeful greetings. He was so excited to see his classmates and they him.
Nixon doesn't feel the need to make friendships. He talks about 3, maybe 4, classmates. It's a little sad, as a mom, to not have him asking for friends to come over and to be invited to a friend's house. But he'll get there. The awesome thing about Nixon (and some ASD kids) is he doesn't understand peer pressure. He doesn't feel the need to impress or be liked by his peers. The class tries to help encourage Nixon to "behave" (his teacher's words, not mine) when he's acting out and Nixon is usually non-responsive to it. Other times, certain students like to praise Nixon when he's having a particularly good day again without much of a reaction from Nixon.**
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It's not overly surprising to me that Nixon had such a rough day. Despite my warning him there likely would not be outdoor recess, Nixon had it in his mind that he would get outside for recess. Finding out that wasn't happening was all it took for him to shut down for the day.
Tomorrow's another day and another chance for smiley faces.
Nixon, on the way out the door to school, says to me "Mommy, I can't wait for outdoor recess today!". I calmly warned him that there was a very high probability that was NOT going to happen today. I told him that again while walking him to the entrance.
**By the way, the CUTEST thing happened as he was getting ready to enter school. Nixon's classmates H and A were getting out of their parents cars and walking into school when they both say Nixon. I heard, in the most adorable chorus, "Nixon! Hi Nixon!" and Nixon returning the gleeful greetings. He was so excited to see his classmates and they him.
Nixon doesn't feel the need to make friendships. He talks about 3, maybe 4, classmates. It's a little sad, as a mom, to not have him asking for friends to come over and to be invited to a friend's house. But he'll get there. The awesome thing about Nixon (and some ASD kids) is he doesn't understand peer pressure. He doesn't feel the need to impress or be liked by his peers. The class tries to help encourage Nixon to "behave" (his teacher's words, not mine) when he's acting out and Nixon is usually non-responsive to it. Other times, certain students like to praise Nixon when he's having a particularly good day again without much of a reaction from Nixon.**
Today was rough. Nixon found out, from the teacher's aide, first thing this morning that there would be no outdoor recess today. For whatever reason, Nixon had thought snow meant outside recess. He was in a funk for the rest of the day.
Since he was expecting me to pick him up early for his doctor's appointment, even though I cancelled it, I picked him up early.
Since he was expecting me to pick him up early for his doctor's appointment, even though I cancelled it, I picked him up early.
He did spend 20 minutes out of class. When the aide told him he was at 20 minutes, he said "Ugh fine, okay. I'll go back now. I don't want to lose more tablet time".
It's not overly surprising to me that Nixon had such a rough day. Despite my warning him there likely would not be outdoor recess, Nixon had it in his mind that he would get outside for recess. Finding out that wasn't happening was all it took for him to shut down for the day.
Tomorrow's another day and another chance for smiley faces.
Sunday, January 4, 2015
In the beginning
First an introduction:
My name is Rea. I'm a mother to one awesome little boy, Nixon, he's 6-years old. I'm married to Mac, who retired from the Navy last June.
Our life kind of changed in 2014. See, Nixon started Kindergarten and the issues that I'd been bringing up to our doctors since he was around 2, suddenly became larger and more urgent. Nixon was not adjusting to school, at all. He was the disruptive kid in class. His teacher called me on the first "preview" day of school. (It was a full school day, but only 1/3rd of the students attended. It was meant to give the kindergarten students an idea of what to expect when school started.) His teacher called to tell me Nixon sat on a table. And screamed at her. "NOOOOOOOOO!" when she changed the activity. I apologized and assured her I'd talk to him about it.
When school started, the phone calls got more frequent. It was never anything like "he hurt a student" or "he's swearing", that was my consolation. But the calls were almost daily. I requested a meeting the first week of school. I got a meeting request a month later. After Nixon was suspended for a day. He had a giant meltdown and while no one was hurt, his actions did lead to the classroom being emptied of all students. He was throwing objects, not at anyone, but throwing them none-the-less.
When the meeting happened, Mac and I both went to it. I went armed with an appointment with our doctor for a referral evaluation. A referral to have Nixon evaluated because I was coming to believe Nixon was on the autism spectrum. The meeting went well, except for his teacher who seemed to believe Nixon was an overly indulged only child.
The school requested to do their own tests, so that they can better help Nixon on an individual level.
After all was said and done, and the test results reveled, our life changed. Nixon was found to be on the autism spectrum disorder (ASD), as well as have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and also sensory processing disorder (SPD). With these diagnoses, the school started moving forward to develop an individualized education program (IEP).
This blog is going to be an outlet for me, a progress tracking method of Nixon's behavior at school and a way to show life doesn't stop when the acronyms begin. It's a struggle, seeing you child defined by acronyms and it'd be easy to let those define him, but those acronyms are not all he is.
My name is Rea. I'm a mother to one awesome little boy, Nixon, he's 6-years old. I'm married to Mac, who retired from the Navy last June.
Our life kind of changed in 2014. See, Nixon started Kindergarten and the issues that I'd been bringing up to our doctors since he was around 2, suddenly became larger and more urgent. Nixon was not adjusting to school, at all. He was the disruptive kid in class. His teacher called me on the first "preview" day of school. (It was a full school day, but only 1/3rd of the students attended. It was meant to give the kindergarten students an idea of what to expect when school started.) His teacher called to tell me Nixon sat on a table. And screamed at her. "NOOOOOOOOO!" when she changed the activity. I apologized and assured her I'd talk to him about it.
When school started, the phone calls got more frequent. It was never anything like "he hurt a student" or "he's swearing", that was my consolation. But the calls were almost daily. I requested a meeting the first week of school. I got a meeting request a month later. After Nixon was suspended for a day. He had a giant meltdown and while no one was hurt, his actions did lead to the classroom being emptied of all students. He was throwing objects, not at anyone, but throwing them none-the-less.
When the meeting happened, Mac and I both went to it. I went armed with an appointment with our doctor for a referral evaluation. A referral to have Nixon evaluated because I was coming to believe Nixon was on the autism spectrum. The meeting went well, except for his teacher who seemed to believe Nixon was an overly indulged only child.
The school requested to do their own tests, so that they can better help Nixon on an individual level.
After all was said and done, and the test results reveled, our life changed. Nixon was found to be on the autism spectrum disorder (ASD), as well as have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and also sensory processing disorder (SPD). With these diagnoses, the school started moving forward to develop an individualized education program (IEP).
This blog is going to be an outlet for me, a progress tracking method of Nixon's behavior at school and a way to show life doesn't stop when the acronyms begin. It's a struggle, seeing you child defined by acronyms and it'd be easy to let those define him, but those acronyms are not all he is.
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