Learning to teach him how he learns, not how I know things to be.

   Raising a child on the Autism Spectrum is a challenge. Mac and I remind each other frequently that, although Nixon has autism, he does have a high-functioning form of it and we consider ourselves to be "lucky" in that aspect. But we still have struggles to help Nixon navigate in social settings and to help prepare him for the future and what it may hold for him.
    I thank the stars above for Nixon's affectionate nature, his overly verbal ways and even the way he tattles on himself. He makes me pause and look at the world from different angles and forces me to answer questions I'd rather he didn't ask. For every challenge our family faces because of Nixon's diagnosis, we grow and expand our world twice by overcoming those challenges together.

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   Last week Nixon and I had a mommy-and-me date. We have one-on-one dates with Nixon on Mac's weekends off. Nixon gets to choose who he goes out with and the chosen parent tries to plan a fun date, not always easy given Nixon's got a pretty limited number of places he feels comfortable in on a normal day but add a weekend crowd and it's a tightrope act. I thought this would be a good way for Mac and I to each work on our relationship with Nixon and learning who he is while he learns who we are, outside of being just "Mom" and "Dad".
    We went to Target, to look at all the new Star Wars products, clothes and toys. Nixon was having a blast, until we walked by the game section. I know why stores always have demonstration games set up, but I hate that stores always have demo games set up! Nixon loves this lately, and if he were with Mac they'd probably have more fun together, but he was with me and I am not a video game person. Instead of forcing him to walk away, and knowing it had the potential to result in a full-on meltdown, I decided to explain the point of a date. I took Nixon to a quiet corner of the store, so I'd have his attention, and explained that even though he was only on a date with me this could be an experience he'd remember when he was older and ready to start dating someone he liked. (Of course, he says "I like you, Mommy") I go on to say, "dating is about sharing what you like with the person you like and also the person you like sharing what they like with you. It's a about compromise. If you pick dinner, maybe your date chooses the movie you see. And sometimes it means NOT doing what you like because maybe the person you're dating doesn't like that thing, like video games, and that's okay. You'll just learn to do those things you like when you're not on a date."
     After our talk, Nixon agreed to 3 minutes at the game demo station and then we'd leave the game area for good. I was expecting a little argument when his time was up, but instead, he put the controller down, grabbed my hand and told me it's time for our date.

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      Nixon's been working very hard at earning Dojo points in his classroom, which he gets for different positive classroom behaviors. It's a classroom tool the teacher uses to track the children's behaviors throughout the day and on Friday they can earn rewards based on the total number of points earned for the week. 

      Nixon's magic number this week was 50 points, if he earned 50 points, he'd be able to change his Dojo avatar. Last week he earned 47, and wasn't upset or disappointed, instead he decided he was "going to work super hard and get ALL 50 POINTS this week!". On Thursday he went to school with 24 points for the week. He came home and told us "I need 4 points tomorrow! I have 46 Dojo points!". Friday comes, and of course on the day I want to check the app the most the whole server has a giant technical fart and I can't even sign in. I was able to see Nixon got his 4 points! 

      Turns out, Nixon earned his 4 points and then spent the rest of the day whining to avoid earning more points. In his very literal-thinking mind, he thought if he earned more than 50 points he'd lose his reward. I tried explaining to him that wasn't the case, but he insisted it was. I asked if he'd feel better if I messaged his teacher and double-checked what he was told about the Dojo rewards. He said that was okay and went to bed. I messaged his teacher, who replied this morning, and it was exactly as I thought. I thanked his teacher and reassured her I'd help Nixon understand the rewards (honestly, no one gets paid enough to spend an afternoon listening to Nixon whine on purpose!) in hopes to avoid the confusion in the future.

     Tonight I tried to explain it to Nixon. I tried explaining the word "minimum" but with no luck. So I changed my tactic. Nixon's understands things better when he has a point of reference. Instead of saying "minimum" I tried "at least", and related it to the rides at the fair he went on once. "In order to ride the ride, you had to be at least as tall as the arrow (and I held my hand out and point down to the top of my hand) on the sign. Did that mean if you were taller than the arrow you couldn't ride the ride?". Nixon thought about it and said "No! Because you went on the rides with me and you were above the sign!". I continued that "at least" simply meant he needed that number or more, in order to earn his reward, no exactly that number and only that number. 

     It's hard sometimes to help explain things to Nixon, especially because I can't always understand why he doesn't understand something. I've learned that if I ask simple questions, Nixon will guide me to what is bothering him and then I can help him solve the problem in a way he understands. He's forcing me to change the way I explain things because the way I know and understand things doesn't work for him. 

     The simple fact that I can help him understand a difficult concept using how he thinks, makes it easier for me to advocate for him and explain his behaviors to his teachers/doctors and other people who come into contact with him. I can also help explain methods that might both help Nixon and the other party reach a mutually beneficial way of accomplishing a task.  

     

First week of First Grade is in the books!

  Nixon's first day of school was Monday. Last Monday, August 24th. I had done the shopping for supplies, gotten his new backpack, packed his lunch and we'd even had an open house at his new school. He was excited. I was unbelievably anxious. Nixon was also riding a bus this year, something he was super excited about.

   Monday morning came, far too early in my opinion but my coffee maker was preset and brewed when I got up, Nixon was dressed and waiting for breakfast when I opened my eyes. I got up 2 hours before his bus was coming to give us plenty of time to get ready, without feeling rushed. When his bus came, Mac and I walked him to it and said our goodbyes. I did not cry.
   No really, I did not cry! We were all ready to put last year and his former school behind us.

    Nixon's attending another public school but in a special classroom, specifically for children with special needs.

    The first day, after school, the classroom social worker called to say Nixon had a good day. He tried to escape the class to avoid the work, at first, but by the afternoon he was responding to the token reward system the classroom uses. He needed a few reminders to use his indoor voice but otherwise he did very well.

    The rest of the week went much the same. A couple more phone calls, one was regarding an incident with Nixon and another student in the cafeteria Nixon told me about and I wanted to double check if the classroom staff were aware of it, and the second was about Nixon's first trip to the nurse resulting in an ice pack and a quarter-sized bruise on his arm after a bit of roughhousing with a classmate. Both phone calls the social worker informed me Nixon is making wonderful progress, quickly adapting to the routine of the classroom and no longer attempting to avoid his work like he had the first day. He's quickly earning his reward tokens.

   I couldn't have been more relieved! Given the gut-dropping experiences from last year's school phone calls, being called and hearing his doing great is taking some adjusting.

    I'm also navigating another new territory as a parent: bullying and name calling, from the outside in.
    Nixon came home one day and said "there's a bad boy in my class" and proceeded to tell me, the boy was having what sounded like a meltdown after lunch time. Nixon had plenty of these last year, lunch was a constant sensory overload for him. Nixon told me "the mean boy stepped on me and then started to cry and yell".
    As calmly as I could, I reminded Nixon of his actions last year, from being in the cafeteria. I reminded Nixon of the times I had to go to school and help him calm himself because his teachers couldn't. I told him, "Nixon, you weren't being bad last year and your classmate wasn't bad or mean today. His brain just couldn't take anymore but he, maybe, didn't know how to ask for a break. He's not trying to hurt you on purpose, you were just kind of around when he hit his max limit. But he's not any more a bad or mean kid than you are or were last year. He, and you, just kind of sometimes need breaks but don't always get the warnings from your body before your brain needs a break. Just like at home, Dad and I give you space to recover when you've had enough, make sure you respect your classmates space and let them recover, okay?"
     Friday, Nixon says the same boy from earlier in the week, was called a "crybaby" in class by another student. I asked Nixon if he called him that. Nixon said "No, but I did laugh because it's a funny word, he was crying but he's too big to be a baby" (he's such a literal thinker!). We had another talk and I asked him to be kind to all his classmates and to stand up for the ones who need a voice, like the one being called names, because everyone needs a friend.

   
    Overall, his first week of school was pretty darned great! No referrals, no letters home, no trips to the principals office. I call it a success!  

My baby waiting for his bus on the first day of school!

Visited the new school and went to a pool too!

    Summer break is flying by! Nixon has had an Occupational Therapy (OT), Speech Therapy (SP) and ABA therapy evaluations. The ABA meeting was nice, turned out Nixon already knew the therapist he'll be working with! (Last summer, Mac and I found a local OT who was offering sensory groups for kids. Nixon went to 5 groups and the therapist he'll be working with for his ABA time, also worked with him in that group. Nixon recognized him as soon as he entered our home!)

  * I've attempted to post this twice before. I wrote the entire blog post, only to have it not save and not publish, in spite of the auto save feature. Here's hoping third times a charm*

    Nixon's going to be attending a different school this fall. It'll be a satellite classroom of a Baltimore school called Kennedy Krieger. Currently, Nixon will have 5 classmates (whom he met the day we visited the Baltimore school). His classroom will also have a teacher, 2 aides and (I believe) 2 social workers. The class will never be larger than 10 children.
    Perhaps the thing I liked best is, unless a student is harming him/herself or other students they aren't removed from the class. They'll be placed in a safe area but they don't "escape" the work. Instead, the 4-5 adults in the room all focus on positive behaviors and ignoring the negatives (yelling/throwing/evading/running, etc.). Each child will have a reward chart with a reward they chose to work for each day. As soon as they reach the goal, they earn that reward no matter what task they are currently doing in the classroom!
     Each student may also join the general education first grade classroom, when/if they are ready, but it's not required. What a relief!
     In addition to that, the curriculum is catered to each child. Some are working just below grade level, some right at grade level and some are given work above grade level. It's a wonderful class and I'm excitedly apprehensive about Nixon's upcoming school year.

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     Nixon is a child that has always hated water on his face and in his ears. It's made bath time comparable to a circle of Hell, at times. When he was around 2 years old, he'd scream bloody murder while I washed his hair. By then end of a bath, in those days, we'd both be wet and crying messes.
    It's gotten easier, but he still has issues with water above his neck. I have to hand him a dry wash cloth, folded in half (shaped like a triangle), which he uses to cover his ears and cover his face with it, Ala western bandit style. When his hair is buzzed short, I use a wash cloth with shampoo on it and then a cup to rinse with. Easy peasy. 

     We spent one day at a friend's apartment complex community pool. Nixon hasn't been in a pool in a couple years. Wear his brand new Puddle Jumper, he still took almost half an hour to actually venture off the steps into the pool. As he grew more confident, he jumped and splashed, he clung onto my back and kicked his legs behind us. He loved the water!
     Mac and I eventually switched off, Mac played in the pool with Nixon while I sat out on the patio. After almost 2 hours in the pool, it was a fight to get Nixon out of it to go home. Best part was, he didn't mind the water on his face at all! But his slightly fearless nature had me concerned at times. Swimming lessons may be in his future this fall. There's plenty of places locally that offer swimming lesson year round. 

Tuesday? Monday? Who can tell anymore...

    Yesterday was a snow day. There wasn't any real snow, but it was very icy and very dangerous. Snow day 4 of the 5 built into the school districts schedule.
    Because of Nixon's snow day he was able to go with me and take Mac to the airport for the second time. This time we did a curbside drop-off. Nixon was very fine with the drop-off. Nixon was great at home at dinner. He was fine at bedtime. In fact, he brought me the teddy bear Mac made for him (after he as supposed to be asleep) and said "Mommy, here. You can press the paw right here to listen to Daddy's voice if you miss him." I tell him that Capt Bearmerica is his bear and he says "I know, but Daddy didn't leave anything for you in case you miss him."

   I wake up and Nixon is in bed with me this morning.

   We had an easy morning this morning. Up, fed, dressed and out of the door with no issue this morning. Shocking! After we arrive at school, as I'm dropping him off with the teacher's aide I give her a heads up about Mac leaving yesterday, and I leave him at school. Hoping for the best.

   His first really great day in a couple weeks! It was a full day and he came home with 8 of 9 smiley faces! He spent only 10 minutes out of class.

   What some people may not know about children on the spectrum or with SPD is that, when these children get overwhelmed they may not want any kind of touch. Nixon has not ever told me to not touch him.

   Until tonight. 

   He came out from him bedroom, crying. He'd been in there and asleep for about an hour before this. I called him over and asked him what was wrong. He said "I can't find sleep." Usually, when he's upset about anything, he'll curl up on my lap and listen to my heart while he calms down. Tonight I try to get him comfortable and he pushes me away. I stop. While a part of me aches to comfort him, I need to do it on his terms. I ask him if he doesn't want to be touched. He tells me "no touching, Mom". I ask him if I can wipe his tears, which he agrees to. I get him calmed down and he asks to sleep in my bed, on Mac's side. I don't care, it's a bed big enough for the both of us, as long as he gets sleep. 

A full day of school?!? I'm as shocked as you are....

    After snow days, delayed starts and holidays, Nixon finally had a full day of school. He was excited about it too!

    Not sure what happened last week, but today showed he's put it behind him!

   Even after spending 40 minutes outside of the classroom, Nixon managed 8 smileys! Considering last week he didn't have a collective total of 8 smileys, we're pretty happy with this.

    He also came home with a "love note" for me.

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    In other news, apparently next Wednesday (Feb 25) is our IEP evaluation day. I got 2 phone calls trying to schedule the meeting. I'm not sure why, but it was assumed I'd agree to any time given for this meeting. Unfortunately, I have plans and had to inform them I'd be unavailable for the requested time. I'm expecting a call tomorrow with a scheduled time. 

   It'll be nice to get to discuss this with the IEP team.  

Lunch, jokes and missing teeth

    There's a reason why I sing the praises of Nixon's teacher's aide. This morning I asked her, at drop-off, if it'd be possible to get another copy of yesterday's chart. It was in his folder this afternoon!
   

    Pretty much what I had expected after 4 days off, plus a week of short days after a day off last week. He hasn't had a full day of school in over 2 weeks. His transitions were rough, he didn't want to do his work and was just being Nixon when his routine is messed up.
   BUT.....

   ...he pulled it together today! He ate lunch in a separate classroom, instead of the cafeteria, because he was being too goofy. He had apparently started telling jokes and listening to jokes and got overly excited from this.
   It's actually not uncommon for jokes to get Nixon super excited. He doesn't really know emotionally the right response all the time, most of the time he goes very extreme with his emotions. It's hard for him to regulate his emotions after he gets too wound up. Removing him from the cafeteria was actually the best thing for him, as he pulled himself together the rest of the day. 

    Finally, after we got home and Nixon was playing on his tablet while snacking on his Poptart Nixon's loose tooth popped out! He said, very calmly, "My tooth fell out". I got up and went to the kitchen, getting warm salt water ready for him to swish with. He came over and said "Mom, you need to get that water ready. Make sure you make it warm and salty. For my mouth, and my missing tooth."
   I had to go into the bathroom with him, not because I was worried he wouldn't swish, but because there was a little blood and that tends to get Nixon really upset. I spent about 3 minutes with him, calmly telling him that the blood wasn't a bad thing and it'd stop in a few seconds. He was, surprisingly, fine with it all. This is the first tooth that fell out and didn't have the new tooth emerging from the gums already. This was his fourth tooth to fall out and his second top tooth. 

    I love his gap tooth smile! 

It's scary, returning to the daily grind

   Today was Nixon's first day back to school since Tuesday December 23rd. To say I was anxious the entire time he was in school, would be an understatement. Since the IEP process started, the school has only called me 2-3 times regarding Nixon. Lately the calls I get are electronic generated messages and two calls from the nurse. I still haven't changed the school's ring tone (It's from Brooklyn Nine-Nine "Welcome to the Murder" repeated over and over until I answer. It's meant to be funny, but it really identifies what every phone call from the school feels like).

   Usually, when Nixon's routine is disrupted it results in a lot of acting out and tantrums. It took him 4 days to get over the change after Thanksgiving break concluded. The first day back he was out of the classroom nearly 2 hours!

    This is today's behavioral chart. 

    

    I suppose I should explain this chart. It's Nixon's day at school broken down into 10 sections. This gives him a chance to see his progress and keep track of how close to a "reward" he is. The teacher's aide, who works almost exclusively one-on-one with Nixon, fills this out. She makes notes and counts the smiley faces. Smiles are good, frowns are bad and straight faces are neutral. After 6 smiles Nixon earns a reward, sometimes a bit of computer time in the classroom and other times Lego playtime.

   Today he was okay. He reached his 6-smiley face goal, but not without some struggles. He did have an especially hard time with Treasure Time (it's the bulk of the learning for the day. It consists of multiple learning stations with a group of other students. This time is Nixon's worst part of the day. It's too structured, too many changes and too much stimulation. He's gotten better, but it's almost a given that this will be a rough spot. The aide is wonderful at helping him complete these tasks but its not always without a struggle) which resulted in 17 minutes out of the class so he could calm down and regroup. He did eventually finish the work, as he usually does.
   He did have issues after recess, not wanting to come back in. And refused to participate in gym class. I'm not sure what that was about.

   Overall, compared to returning after a break off for Thanksgiving, this was a good day! 

   One new thing I'm trying, as motivation for less time out of the classroom, is time on his tablet. Every weekday Nixon starts with 30 minutes on his tablet. For every 10 minutes out of the class he'll lose 1 minutes of his tablet time.  I heard from the teacher's aide today that Nixon told her that right away and said "I can't spend more than 10 minutes out of the class or I lose tablet time!".

   We'll see if this continues to be a good motivational tool or not.