Yesterday was Nixon's big appointment for a second opinion by our insurance company. This has been a long time coming and I really pushed to get this appointment. The original diagnosis was only ADHD by our insurance company, which was met with a quick push for medication.
This appointment was a meeting with a board of 6 people who were going to evaluate Nixon's behaviors/speech/motor skills/school reports plus his GARS and other questionnaires I was asked to complete and bring to the appointment.
We arrived 30 minutes later, in spite of leaving more than 90 minutes before our scheduled appointment time. Traffic in our area sucks! There were at least 3 different traffic accidents and backups that led to our late arrival. Thankfully, I called and gave the office a head's up so they were aware and prepared when we arrived. Nixon was pretty good even when he got bored, we did some math questions in the car.
Without going into the long almost 2 hours of the evaluation and results process, the gist is: these medical professionals agreed with the school's findings that Nixon does have ASD/ADHD and SPD. He is highly hyper active and it's making any other disability hard to address. At one point, in a 2 minute period, Nixon got up/fidgeted/changed the subject over 15 times. While being asked questions about emotions, he was asked if he's ever sad. Nixon said "Well, sometimes I'm sad when no one plays with me at center time" (Center time is learning-based play centers in his classroom, he's never told me before that he's sometimes left without a partner or team during center time. That was difficult to hear and kind of put everything in perspective for me.)
With the official medical diagnosis Nixon is now eligible for: OT (occupational therapy), ST (speech therapy) and ABA (applied behavioral analysis), all which will be covered by our insurance company! Plus we have a doctor's recommendation for a choice in schools when we meet with the County Central IEP Board in a couple weeks.
You'd think that would be the end of the "good news" but it's not.
This afternoon, Mac and I had a meeting with the Vice Principal regarding the recess incident from last week. I had requested to view video footage from the playground area, as the entire situation felt odd.
Turns out, my gut feeling wasn't wrong.
Mac asked to see a few minutes before the actual incident, which was cued up and didn't give any possible clue for Nixon's actions. As we watched the grainy, jumpy, tiny figures on the screen, Mac and I started noticing things. The biggest one was Nixon was giving off non-verbal signals to the other child that he wanted to be left alone and the other child didn't respect those signals. Nixon put his arm out, straight at the child and the boy came at him. Nixon then dropped to the ground and basically turtled up (for lack of a better word),the boy then continued to stand over Nixon a few seconds before walking away. There's some discrepancy because to me it looked like Nixon may have been kicked by the boy, but neither Mac nor the Vice Principal could seem to see what I was looking at and said it may have been the boy turning to walk away. Either way, the next frame Nixon got up and went after the boy. The rest is history.
After viewing this a few more times to be sure we all saw the same thing, the Vice Principal asked us to explain the non-verbal body language Mac and I were seeing Nixon displaying. She said she was going to show the other boy's mother (a teacher at the school) the video and explain the body language as we had explained to her, so she knows Nixon did not attack her son unprovoked. It's nice, but Mac's offer to sit down and speak with the other parent as well (prior to learning she was a teacher at the school) was rebuffed as "unnecessary" because this teacher "has worked with disabled children before and I'm sure she'll understand Nixon's particular case when I explain the video as you have", mind you all this took place with 3 adults less than 5 feet away and not one of them was aware of Nixon's nonverbal signals making me wonder how many of his other "major incidents" with other students had situations like this happening.
I'm glad he wasn't suspended, because I'd have been more pissed off than I already was leaving that meeting room today. It seems, and thankfully today Mac was there to actually witness the bias, the school is so quick to paint Nixon as this bad, out-of-control child that no one even thinks to check to see if there was a valid reason for his actions. If I hadn't have followed my gut and asked to view the footage and Mac hadn't have asked to view more than the 15 seconds that was cued up for us, we wouldn't have the answers we have tonight.
Showing posts with label ADHD. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ADHD. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Monday, March 23, 2015
Last week was not good
If you noticed, I hadn't posted last week. Last week was hard, for several different reasons. I thought I was dying (allergies), Nixon had a really bad week at school and I had a breaking point which saw me crying in my car.
And Nixon was suspended for a day.
So yeah, a lot going on and I was just drained.
Tuesday afternoon Nixon had a follow-up appointment with a childhood behaviorist through our insurance company, so I had to pick him up from school early. I was told, by his aide, that he had a very defiant day. He was blowing raspberries in her face at a very close proximity and wouldn't stop when asked, he was having a very hard time deescalating his behavior even when moving to a different setting or room, he was screeching in the halls (he has an ear-splitting level when he screeches, and it disturbs all the classrooms in the area), he was refusing to do work and spent nearly an hour out of the classroom.
On the drive to the doctor's office, I received a call from the school. Since I was driving I let it go to voicemail and checked it once we parked. The principal called to let me know, that given Nixon's behavior for the day, she had no choice but to suspend him out of school and asked me to call her back. I, of course, did and this resulted in the oh-so fun game of phone tag.
We went to Nixon's appointment. This particular doctor feels Nixon's issue is not ASD related, but simply ADHD. I went Tuesday armed with copies of the test results from the school. She looked them over, read them and still said "I still feel it's only ADHD. Now, about medications....." Thankfully, she listened to me, and did grant a referral to get a second opinion. I'm waiting for a date for that appointment.
Now the suspension. After the principal and I finally were able to speak to each other, it became clear I was supposed to feel as though this was her only choice. This was all due to the behaviors I've mentioned above, as explained to me by the aide.
However, the principal said this could be handled as an in-school suspension, but since he'd be with his aide an the special education teacher all day (the 2 adults he wouldn't calm down or listen too that day), she felt it wasn't a good option and that due to the screeching and all the time spent out of class, it' best if he were suspended out of school the next day so that he can reflect on his behavior and hopefully come back with a renewed outlook.
I....didn't say much of anything. What do you say when it basically sounds like every person at the school needs "a break" from your child? Because to me, that's what I was hearing. He hadn't hurt anyone. He hadn't broken any rules. But he was being suspended because an in-school suspension would mean he'd be with 2 adults who hadn't handled him very well that day, for an entire day in a very small classroom. But I was already raw and emotionally broken from the doctor trying to just throw medications at Nixon, as if that's going to make him better, and now I'm hearing that the school basically needs a break from him for a day and this is their only solution.
I hang up and I turn to Nixon, in the backseat of my car, and I tell him the principal has decided not to invite him to school the next day and Nixon says "Good. I don't want to go anyway."
And my heart breaks. My eyes fill with tears and I sob! I cry the whole way home. I cry at home. Nixon asks me if I'm done crying. I tell him "I don't know", he says "Can you tell me when you're done because I might be hungry but I can't be around you when you're sad and crying", even though he brings me his teddy bear.
Eventually, I calmed down. And then I get pissed! His teacher, his principal...I warned them all at the IEP meeting in January that it was going to get ugly when Mac left for his training. I told them there'd likely be some behavioral regressions. And I heard. "Oh that's fine, we'll be here for him.". Well, no the (pardon this) fuck you aren't! You're acting like you had no idea this was coming! I gave you 2 months to prepare.
I hate how, every conversation I have with this principal, I'm made to feel like I'm sending a monster to school and she's a saint for doing as much as she's doing for him. Guess what?! It's you're damned job! I've been honest, up-front, available and beyond accommodating when it comes to Nixon and his issues. I'm not blind or in denial. I know hes not an ideal student, but I'm sick of getting guilted by this person because of my child's limitations. There is an IEP in place for a reason.
You know, for all the "we tried literally, everything in our wheel house"talk about Tuesday's issues with Nixon, there was not one call to me. If he was so out-of-control, did not one person think to call me? I've been called to come for petty crap, like make sure he doesn't "ruin" a school event, no thought an epic meltdown with no end in sight was worthy of a call? At what point does one "throw in the towel" and call the big gun in?
This week is a new week. We've got all week this week and one day next week before Nixon's Spring Break. He wants to do the Aquarium one day. I'll happily do that with him, because the joy on his face makes everything about driving into Baltimore worthwhile.
And Nixon was suspended for a day.
So yeah, a lot going on and I was just drained.
Tuesday afternoon Nixon had a follow-up appointment with a childhood behaviorist through our insurance company, so I had to pick him up from school early. I was told, by his aide, that he had a very defiant day. He was blowing raspberries in her face at a very close proximity and wouldn't stop when asked, he was having a very hard time deescalating his behavior even when moving to a different setting or room, he was screeching in the halls (he has an ear-splitting level when he screeches, and it disturbs all the classrooms in the area), he was refusing to do work and spent nearly an hour out of the classroom.
On the drive to the doctor's office, I received a call from the school. Since I was driving I let it go to voicemail and checked it once we parked. The principal called to let me know, that given Nixon's behavior for the day, she had no choice but to suspend him out of school and asked me to call her back. I, of course, did and this resulted in the oh-so fun game of phone tag.
We went to Nixon's appointment. This particular doctor feels Nixon's issue is not ASD related, but simply ADHD. I went Tuesday armed with copies of the test results from the school. She looked them over, read them and still said "I still feel it's only ADHD. Now, about medications....." Thankfully, she listened to me, and did grant a referral to get a second opinion. I'm waiting for a date for that appointment.
Now the suspension. After the principal and I finally were able to speak to each other, it became clear I was supposed to feel as though this was her only choice. This was all due to the behaviors I've mentioned above, as explained to me by the aide.
However, the principal said this could be handled as an in-school suspension, but since he'd be with his aide an the special education teacher all day (the 2 adults he wouldn't calm down or listen too that day), she felt it wasn't a good option and that due to the screeching and all the time spent out of class, it' best if he were suspended out of school the next day so that he can reflect on his behavior and hopefully come back with a renewed outlook.
I....didn't say much of anything. What do you say when it basically sounds like every person at the school needs "a break" from your child? Because to me, that's what I was hearing. He hadn't hurt anyone. He hadn't broken any rules. But he was being suspended because an in-school suspension would mean he'd be with 2 adults who hadn't handled him very well that day, for an entire day in a very small classroom. But I was already raw and emotionally broken from the doctor trying to just throw medications at Nixon, as if that's going to make him better, and now I'm hearing that the school basically needs a break from him for a day and this is their only solution.
I hang up and I turn to Nixon, in the backseat of my car, and I tell him the principal has decided not to invite him to school the next day and Nixon says "Good. I don't want to go anyway."
And my heart breaks. My eyes fill with tears and I sob! I cry the whole way home. I cry at home. Nixon asks me if I'm done crying. I tell him "I don't know", he says "Can you tell me when you're done because I might be hungry but I can't be around you when you're sad and crying", even though he brings me his teddy bear.
Eventually, I calmed down. And then I get pissed! His teacher, his principal...I warned them all at the IEP meeting in January that it was going to get ugly when Mac left for his training. I told them there'd likely be some behavioral regressions. And I heard. "Oh that's fine, we'll be here for him.". Well, no the (pardon this) fuck you aren't! You're acting like you had no idea this was coming! I gave you 2 months to prepare.
I hate how, every conversation I have with this principal, I'm made to feel like I'm sending a monster to school and she's a saint for doing as much as she's doing for him. Guess what?! It's you're damned job! I've been honest, up-front, available and beyond accommodating when it comes to Nixon and his issues. I'm not blind or in denial. I know hes not an ideal student, but I'm sick of getting guilted by this person because of my child's limitations. There is an IEP in place for a reason.
You know, for all the "we tried literally, everything in our wheel house"talk about Tuesday's issues with Nixon, there was not one call to me. If he was so out-of-control, did not one person think to call me? I've been called to come for petty crap, like make sure he doesn't "ruin" a school event, no thought an epic meltdown with no end in sight was worthy of a call? At what point does one "throw in the towel" and call the big gun in?
This week is a new week. We've got all week this week and one day next week before Nixon's Spring Break. He wants to do the Aquarium one day. I'll happily do that with him, because the joy on his face makes everything about driving into Baltimore worthwhile.
Thursday, January 29, 2015
When Acronyms meet new places
Part of every child's life is birthday parties. Neurological normal kids have no problem with these events and they love attending.
Our lives, however, make it a little harder. There's knowing he's going to face overwhelming noises, have sensory overload from the sounds, more than likely at least one meltdown. Then we have to factor in that there will be limited routine and lots of chaos. While birthday parties are fun for most kids, for my little SPD, ASD, ADHD kiddo it can be exhausting.
I don't try to avoid parties, Nixon's only had 2 invitations this school year and we've attended (or made plans to attend) them both. But it takes a lot of preparation, both for Nixon and me. I start by reminding him it'll be loud. I then let him know that he will have to let the birthday child open his presents, without Nixon's help. I have to let him know that we may eat first or play first, there's no real routine.
The biggest thing I do for him is let him know that, at any time, he can ask me to leave or help him find a quiet corner. I also carry headphones in my purse, in case he just can't handle the noise. I try to make the car ride, to and from, as quiet as possible, allowing him to decompress immediately afterwards.
For me, I make sure I have a BIG cup of coffee. I also pack my balls-of-steel because I never know when I'll have to deal with an adult who doesn't understand Nixon's issues and tries to run his/her mouth. I've been lucky so far and never needed to use them, but with every event we go to, odds are eventually one day I'll need them.
Our lives, however, make it a little harder. There's knowing he's going to face overwhelming noises, have sensory overload from the sounds, more than likely at least one meltdown. Then we have to factor in that there will be limited routine and lots of chaos. While birthday parties are fun for most kids, for my little SPD, ASD, ADHD kiddo it can be exhausting.
I don't try to avoid parties, Nixon's only had 2 invitations this school year and we've attended (or made plans to attend) them both. But it takes a lot of preparation, both for Nixon and me. I start by reminding him it'll be loud. I then let him know that he will have to let the birthday child open his presents, without Nixon's help. I have to let him know that we may eat first or play first, there's no real routine.
The biggest thing I do for him is let him know that, at any time, he can ask me to leave or help him find a quiet corner. I also carry headphones in my purse, in case he just can't handle the noise. I try to make the car ride, to and from, as quiet as possible, allowing him to decompress immediately afterwards.
For me, I make sure I have a BIG cup of coffee. I also pack my balls-of-steel because I never know when I'll have to deal with an adult who doesn't understand Nixon's issues and tries to run his/her mouth. I've been lucky so far and never needed to use them, but with every event we go to, odds are eventually one day I'll need them.
Sunday, January 4, 2015
In the beginning
First an introduction:
My name is Rea. I'm a mother to one awesome little boy, Nixon, he's 6-years old. I'm married to Mac, who retired from the Navy last June.
Our life kind of changed in 2014. See, Nixon started Kindergarten and the issues that I'd been bringing up to our doctors since he was around 2, suddenly became larger and more urgent. Nixon was not adjusting to school, at all. He was the disruptive kid in class. His teacher called me on the first "preview" day of school. (It was a full school day, but only 1/3rd of the students attended. It was meant to give the kindergarten students an idea of what to expect when school started.) His teacher called to tell me Nixon sat on a table. And screamed at her. "NOOOOOOOOO!" when she changed the activity. I apologized and assured her I'd talk to him about it.
When school started, the phone calls got more frequent. It was never anything like "he hurt a student" or "he's swearing", that was my consolation. But the calls were almost daily. I requested a meeting the first week of school. I got a meeting request a month later. After Nixon was suspended for a day. He had a giant meltdown and while no one was hurt, his actions did lead to the classroom being emptied of all students. He was throwing objects, not at anyone, but throwing them none-the-less.
When the meeting happened, Mac and I both went to it. I went armed with an appointment with our doctor for a referral evaluation. A referral to have Nixon evaluated because I was coming to believe Nixon was on the autism spectrum. The meeting went well, except for his teacher who seemed to believe Nixon was an overly indulged only child.
The school requested to do their own tests, so that they can better help Nixon on an individual level.
After all was said and done, and the test results reveled, our life changed. Nixon was found to be on the autism spectrum disorder (ASD), as well as have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and also sensory processing disorder (SPD). With these diagnoses, the school started moving forward to develop an individualized education program (IEP).
This blog is going to be an outlet for me, a progress tracking method of Nixon's behavior at school and a way to show life doesn't stop when the acronyms begin. It's a struggle, seeing you child defined by acronyms and it'd be easy to let those define him, but those acronyms are not all he is.
My name is Rea. I'm a mother to one awesome little boy, Nixon, he's 6-years old. I'm married to Mac, who retired from the Navy last June.
Our life kind of changed in 2014. See, Nixon started Kindergarten and the issues that I'd been bringing up to our doctors since he was around 2, suddenly became larger and more urgent. Nixon was not adjusting to school, at all. He was the disruptive kid in class. His teacher called me on the first "preview" day of school. (It was a full school day, but only 1/3rd of the students attended. It was meant to give the kindergarten students an idea of what to expect when school started.) His teacher called to tell me Nixon sat on a table. And screamed at her. "NOOOOOOOOO!" when she changed the activity. I apologized and assured her I'd talk to him about it.
When school started, the phone calls got more frequent. It was never anything like "he hurt a student" or "he's swearing", that was my consolation. But the calls were almost daily. I requested a meeting the first week of school. I got a meeting request a month later. After Nixon was suspended for a day. He had a giant meltdown and while no one was hurt, his actions did lead to the classroom being emptied of all students. He was throwing objects, not at anyone, but throwing them none-the-less.
When the meeting happened, Mac and I both went to it. I went armed with an appointment with our doctor for a referral evaluation. A referral to have Nixon evaluated because I was coming to believe Nixon was on the autism spectrum. The meeting went well, except for his teacher who seemed to believe Nixon was an overly indulged only child.
The school requested to do their own tests, so that they can better help Nixon on an individual level.
After all was said and done, and the test results reveled, our life changed. Nixon was found to be on the autism spectrum disorder (ASD), as well as have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and also sensory processing disorder (SPD). With these diagnoses, the school started moving forward to develop an individualized education program (IEP).
This blog is going to be an outlet for me, a progress tracking method of Nixon's behavior at school and a way to show life doesn't stop when the acronyms begin. It's a struggle, seeing you child defined by acronyms and it'd be easy to let those define him, but those acronyms are not all he is.
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