Learning to teach him how he learns, not how I know things to be.

   Raising a child on the Autism Spectrum is a challenge. Mac and I remind each other frequently that, although Nixon has autism, he does have a high-functioning form of it and we consider ourselves to be "lucky" in that aspect. But we still have struggles to help Nixon navigate in social settings and to help prepare him for the future and what it may hold for him.
    I thank the stars above for Nixon's affectionate nature, his overly verbal ways and even the way he tattles on himself. He makes me pause and look at the world from different angles and forces me to answer questions I'd rather he didn't ask. For every challenge our family faces because of Nixon's diagnosis, we grow and expand our world twice by overcoming those challenges together.

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   Last week Nixon and I had a mommy-and-me date. We have one-on-one dates with Nixon on Mac's weekends off. Nixon gets to choose who he goes out with and the chosen parent tries to plan a fun date, not always easy given Nixon's got a pretty limited number of places he feels comfortable in on a normal day but add a weekend crowd and it's a tightrope act. I thought this would be a good way for Mac and I to each work on our relationship with Nixon and learning who he is while he learns who we are, outside of being just "Mom" and "Dad".
    We went to Target, to look at all the new Star Wars products, clothes and toys. Nixon was having a blast, until we walked by the game section. I know why stores always have demonstration games set up, but I hate that stores always have demo games set up! Nixon loves this lately, and if he were with Mac they'd probably have more fun together, but he was with me and I am not a video game person. Instead of forcing him to walk away, and knowing it had the potential to result in a full-on meltdown, I decided to explain the point of a date. I took Nixon to a quiet corner of the store, so I'd have his attention, and explained that even though he was only on a date with me this could be an experience he'd remember when he was older and ready to start dating someone he liked. (Of course, he says "I like you, Mommy") I go on to say, "dating is about sharing what you like with the person you like and also the person you like sharing what they like with you. It's a about compromise. If you pick dinner, maybe your date chooses the movie you see. And sometimes it means NOT doing what you like because maybe the person you're dating doesn't like that thing, like video games, and that's okay. You'll just learn to do those things you like when you're not on a date."
     After our talk, Nixon agreed to 3 minutes at the game demo station and then we'd leave the game area for good. I was expecting a little argument when his time was up, but instead, he put the controller down, grabbed my hand and told me it's time for our date.

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      Nixon's been working very hard at earning Dojo points in his classroom, which he gets for different positive classroom behaviors. It's a classroom tool the teacher uses to track the children's behaviors throughout the day and on Friday they can earn rewards based on the total number of points earned for the week. 

      Nixon's magic number this week was 50 points, if he earned 50 points, he'd be able to change his Dojo avatar. Last week he earned 47, and wasn't upset or disappointed, instead he decided he was "going to work super hard and get ALL 50 POINTS this week!". On Thursday he went to school with 24 points for the week. He came home and told us "I need 4 points tomorrow! I have 46 Dojo points!". Friday comes, and of course on the day I want to check the app the most the whole server has a giant technical fart and I can't even sign in. I was able to see Nixon got his 4 points! 

      Turns out, Nixon earned his 4 points and then spent the rest of the day whining to avoid earning more points. In his very literal-thinking mind, he thought if he earned more than 50 points he'd lose his reward. I tried explaining to him that wasn't the case, but he insisted it was. I asked if he'd feel better if I messaged his teacher and double-checked what he was told about the Dojo rewards. He said that was okay and went to bed. I messaged his teacher, who replied this morning, and it was exactly as I thought. I thanked his teacher and reassured her I'd help Nixon understand the rewards (honestly, no one gets paid enough to spend an afternoon listening to Nixon whine on purpose!) in hopes to avoid the confusion in the future.

     Tonight I tried to explain it to Nixon. I tried explaining the word "minimum" but with no luck. So I changed my tactic. Nixon's understands things better when he has a point of reference. Instead of saying "minimum" I tried "at least", and related it to the rides at the fair he went on once. "In order to ride the ride, you had to be at least as tall as the arrow (and I held my hand out and point down to the top of my hand) on the sign. Did that mean if you were taller than the arrow you couldn't ride the ride?". Nixon thought about it and said "No! Because you went on the rides with me and you were above the sign!". I continued that "at least" simply meant he needed that number or more, in order to earn his reward, no exactly that number and only that number. 

     It's hard sometimes to help explain things to Nixon, especially because I can't always understand why he doesn't understand something. I've learned that if I ask simple questions, Nixon will guide me to what is bothering him and then I can help him solve the problem in a way he understands. He's forcing me to change the way I explain things because the way I know and understand things doesn't work for him. 

     The simple fact that I can help him understand a difficult concept using how he thinks, makes it easier for me to advocate for him and explain his behaviors to his teachers/doctors and other people who come into contact with him. I can also help explain methods that might both help Nixon and the other party reach a mutually beneficial way of accomplishing a task.  

     

This week is rough to say the least

   Tuesday was a snow day (without the snow). It was icy and the county originally delayed for 2-hours. Conditions didn't improve by much and the county made the cancellation call before 6:30am. Honestly, it was the first snow day this year and was a good call. Lots of accidents on the roads.

   Wednesday was a scheduled early dismissal day.

   Nixon did not have a good day. He hasn't had a day that bad in a couple months. I found out that the kindergarten classes are having to do some mandatory computer testing. Unfortunately this is going to last a couple weeks and that means Nixon doesn't get any of his usual screen time. He wasn't given any notice that this was happening and if I know my kid at all, this is what is causing his behaviors leading to his time out of class.
 
    I'm struggling with how to approach the school about this. Yes, the testing is required for all students and yes, they have a limited number of computers but Nixon's IEP requires technological alternatives to written activities in addition to it being an activity he earns with good choices/behaviors.

    Today was his classroom Valentine's Day party. I knew it was going to be tough on him and, unfortunately, I was not able to attend this one. While he had a good day, compared to earlier this week, I can't explain his "hanging on another student" episode. He did spend 70 minutes out of class but it was before he wasn't able to handle the chaos of the party (a lot of parents signed up to attend and there were 3 different activities going on during the party).

    I've offered him some supplement computer time at home. I have accounts set up for him at home on the sites he uses at school. He seemed happy with that and I really don't have much more to offer him. 

    We have a 2-hour delay tomorrow morning, there's an extremely cold bit of air coming resulting in subzero wind chills.  

"He can't tell time"

    Nixon and I had a regular morning. I almost overslept because, while I changed my alarm from the day before, I forgot to actually turn the alarm on. Thankfully, Nixon was already in med with me and kept reading the numbers off the clock to me.

    We got to school, on time, and I walked him to the door. We had our little talk (it is along the lines of: No spitting/hitting/kicking/bad language/running away or taking your clothes off. Be kind, use kind words, listen to your teachers, ask for a break if you feel overwhelmed, transition without fights), I got a hug and kiss before he ran over to see the teacher's aide. I left, hoping for the best.

    I picked Nixon up from school. He was all smiles and the aide was too. He had 7 smiles for the day, 15 minutes out of class and lost 10 minutes of recess (to do work he'd missed earlier). The teacher's aide told him he was losing 16 minutes of recess, but only set the timer for 10 minutes. Reasoning being, Nixon can't tell time but had acted badly enough that a time longer than 10 minutes of recess lost had a larger impact on his behavior.
   *Now, I should say this: Nixon is unaffected by losing recess to do work. He likes working in the classroom when everyone else is outside, as long as he gets some outside time. I've brought this up to his teacher, just letting her know this isn't an effective deterrent. The time from recess isn't a punishment, but it does help Nixon complete all his school work that day.*

  Overall, today was a vast improvement from yesterday. Here's hoping tomorrow is great too. He's got Monday off and 4-early dismissal days next week. 

 

It's scary, returning to the daily grind

   Today was Nixon's first day back to school since Tuesday December 23rd. To say I was anxious the entire time he was in school, would be an understatement. Since the IEP process started, the school has only called me 2-3 times regarding Nixon. Lately the calls I get are electronic generated messages and two calls from the nurse. I still haven't changed the school's ring tone (It's from Brooklyn Nine-Nine "Welcome to the Murder" repeated over and over until I answer. It's meant to be funny, but it really identifies what every phone call from the school feels like).

   Usually, when Nixon's routine is disrupted it results in a lot of acting out and tantrums. It took him 4 days to get over the change after Thanksgiving break concluded. The first day back he was out of the classroom nearly 2 hours!

    This is today's behavioral chart. 

    

    I suppose I should explain this chart. It's Nixon's day at school broken down into 10 sections. This gives him a chance to see his progress and keep track of how close to a "reward" he is. The teacher's aide, who works almost exclusively one-on-one with Nixon, fills this out. She makes notes and counts the smiley faces. Smiles are good, frowns are bad and straight faces are neutral. After 6 smiles Nixon earns a reward, sometimes a bit of computer time in the classroom and other times Lego playtime.

   Today he was okay. He reached his 6-smiley face goal, but not without some struggles. He did have an especially hard time with Treasure Time (it's the bulk of the learning for the day. It consists of multiple learning stations with a group of other students. This time is Nixon's worst part of the day. It's too structured, too many changes and too much stimulation. He's gotten better, but it's almost a given that this will be a rough spot. The aide is wonderful at helping him complete these tasks but its not always without a struggle) which resulted in 17 minutes out of the class so he could calm down and regroup. He did eventually finish the work, as he usually does.
   He did have issues after recess, not wanting to come back in. And refused to participate in gym class. I'm not sure what that was about.

   Overall, compared to returning after a break off for Thanksgiving, this was a good day! 

   One new thing I'm trying, as motivation for less time out of the classroom, is time on his tablet. Every weekday Nixon starts with 30 minutes on his tablet. For every 10 minutes out of the class he'll lose 1 minutes of his tablet time.  I heard from the teacher's aide today that Nixon told her that right away and said "I can't spend more than 10 minutes out of the class or I lose tablet time!".

   We'll see if this continues to be a good motivational tool or not.