What an emotional weekend!

    Someday I'll get back to posting daily again. This weekend is not that day though.

     (I sent a note to school to alert his teacher and aide about Nixon's fish almost dying. It turns out, knowing what to say because of what was going on at home, helped Nixon turn things around. During an assembly, Nixon nearly fell asleep on his aide's shoulder while they sat in the far back of the room because Nixon had said the noise was hurting him).



   Friday, after an amazing day at school, Nixon came home to find his fish still struggling to live. By bedtime his struggle had ended and Nixon's had just begun.
    After a short funeral, which began with Nixon holding Scootaloo's vase and carrying it to the bathroom, Nixon and I sat in his bed and cried together. My heart broke listening to his gut-wrenching cries.
    He did love that fish an saying goodbye was much more hard than he had expected. He wasn't as prepared as he thought he was. It still hurt.

   Saturday he had a birthday party to attend. With only a short meltdown Nixon made it through the party in amazingly good fashion. There were no tears for Scootaloo.

    Today we spent the morning together, as a family. Last night, Mac found Nixon's old Halloween costume Iron Man. This morning Nixon asked to wear it to breakfast. He rarely has any opinion on the clothes he wears but when he does, I allow it as long as it's seasonally appropriate. (No shorts in the winter is pretty much the limit of my refusals.) We went to breakfast and Nixon got smiles and I saw silent nods from other parents. Everyone who spoke to Nixon tried to call him "Iron Man" but Nixon was quick to tell them "It's only a costume, my name is Nixon".
    I adore my child and I was extremely grateful, many times beyond words, to every person who was kind to the little boy dressed as Iron Man the week before Valentine's Day today.
    We came home with 3 new mollies (named Scootaloo, AppleBloom and SweetieBelle for the Cutie Mark Crusaders from My Little Pony) and one small African Dwarf Frog named SeaFrog (or Lil A-hole as I dubbed him tonight after scaring us that he'd gotten caught behind the filter)

Wednesday and Thursday bleed into one post

     Because I had a late night last night and Nixon had his playgroup after school, I didn't do yesterday's post. Also, Nixon didn't get his tablet time because after playgroup we came home, ate dinner and it was bedtime. He did get double tablet time today though, so he was good with that.

    Yesterday he spent 15 minutes out of class. The school does Welcome Wednesday the first Wednesday of every month. It's when parents can come to the school and have lunch with their kiddo(s). I haven't gone to one, before yesterday, due to things I had going on at the same time. I was free yesterday and I went. Nixon was so excited to see me! We sat in the cafeteria, which I can see why Nixon's having meltdowns...it's so loud! And there are so many conversations happening at once, it's easy to see him getting overwhelmed when he's not focused on one thing (for example, he was focused on my visit).
    The down part to my visit, Nixon squeezed his knee in the gap between the cafeteria table bench. He needed help getting unstuck and ultimately bruised his knee. He was crying a little from the shock of the pain. The teacher's aide let me walk him back to class and give him a couple hugs and kisses. When I left he was shaking it off. He did tell me he was taken to the nurse and got an ice pack for his knee.
    The playgroup was much better than last week. We talked about Nixon needing to listen and participate instead of running around doing whatever he wants. This week he did participate! He only ran around for a couple minutes and even took part in the goodbye song! It was a great playgroup!

    Today Nixon had a good day. He had a couple issues but quickly made better choices and pulled himself together. Of his possible 60 minutes of tablet time, he got 57 minutes. (Since it's February the rule is now: 5 minutes out of class = 1 lost minute of tablet time). 

   Now the sad. Nixon's fish Scootaloo is dying. I did everything I possibly could to save him, but it seems he's lost his fighting spirit. I moved him into a vase with a little water, calm water, no filter flow. He's lying on his side, convulsing every so often, but mostly slowing dying.

   I've prepared Nixon for the worst. I told Nixon that I was angry with Scootaloo for not fighting more to live longer. He asked if that was okay, to be mad at a sick fish. I told him he's allowed to feel whatever he feels. He can be mad, sad, angry, lonely whatever he feels.
    He said "I'm sad and mad a little. I love Scootaloo and I don't want him to die." His bottom lip started quivering. This is where I step in, give him a big hug and tell him I love him.
    I told him, after talking to Mac, that if/when Scootaloo dies we will have a family date Sunday. We'll do breakfast and then go to buy new fish. NOT another Betta fish though. I'm thinking goldfish. Nixon's asked for an African Dwarf Frog and more ghost shrimp. Shrimpy is still alive and Nixon says he's lonely in the tank by himself.

    Farewell, Scootaloo. Please don't die before Nixon goes to school in the morning.....

**I should add, Nixon feels so much larger than most 6-year-olds, because of Asperger's. Losing his fish before school could send him into an emotional tailspin for the entire day. I'm going to send a note into school letting his teacher know of the situation so she's not caught off-guard if Nixon starts crying or gets angry. I feel it's better if his caretakers (teacher and teacher's aide) are aware of a possible meltdown so they can help him work through it before he gets to the epic meltdown point he might reach without support. **
   

Why was today so difficult?!?

   Nixon needed to be woke up this morning. While shaking off the sleep, he starts getting sad that his ghost shrimp Midnight is dead. It took me a few minutes to let him have his sadness before getting out of his bed.
    It's important to me that I give him time to feel what he feels without pressure to "get over it" or "move on". He feels so much and loves so hard that death is a whole new and complicated life event for him.

    Nixon was fully together when he went to school.
   He had a rough day, of sorts. More than one episode resulting in time out of the classroom, for a total of 22 minutes. Seven smiles and even spent all but 5 minutes in the cafeteria at lunchtime.

   

   Tonight was rough.
   Nixon's fish, Scootaloo, isn't looking healthy. I went to the pet store today to get advice on helping him. I changed his water (a 50/50 change). I tested his water (all normal levels). It's heated at a perfect temp for a happy fish.
    And still, at bedtime, Scootaloo looked bad. So bad I had to talk to Nixon about it. It's hard, but I feel like I need to prepare him for the worst. It's that bad. Nixon took it pretty good. I told him, if Scootaloo does die, when he's ready we can get him another fish (or fishes).

   I hate doing this to him, because he's likely to get anxious and check on Scootaloo multiple times a day, and possibly watch him before he falls asleep.

Another great day....until bedtime.

    After having yesterday off for MLK Jr Day, today could have gone either way. But Nixon made it wonderful! His day started with a visit to a teacher who had brought in some hissing cockroaches, which Nixon loved! He even asked if she could bring in more another time for him to see. 

   He has early dismissal all this week. Some sort of end-of-semester break crap. Whatever, I pick him up 2 hours early every day this week. He was all smiles at pick up today.

    At bedtime I was checking on his fish. He has a Betta fish and 2 ghost shrimp. We thought one of his ghost shrimp died the first night we had him, but it turned out it had just molted its shell an hid for a day. 

    Tonight, I found that same shrimp, tucked in a corner and pinkish in color....on its side. This time, Midnight as he's known in our house, was really dead. I called Mac to show him and then we broke the news to Nixon. 

   Nixon was fine, but he after a few minutes he started bawling! We talked to him about death, told him his tears were okay and that it's okay to be sad. We shared things we liked about Midnight right before we buried him "at sea". Nixon was still crying, I laid in bed with him until he was asleep. 

    My heart hurts for him. I love him and hate seeing him sad. In the end it was a learning opportunity.

RIP Midnight (large one on the left)
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